ICEINSPACE
Moon Phase
CURRENT MOON
Waning Gibbous 95.4%
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03-07-2005, 11:30 PM
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Moderator
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: NEWCASTLE NSW Australia
Posts: 33,160
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now they're gett'in bad!!!!!
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04-07-2005, 05:00 AM
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sausagemaker to the stars
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Dinmore, Queensland
Posts: 562
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A man walked into a bar.
OUCH !!!!
It was an Iron bar.
Mike
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04-07-2005, 06:16 AM
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Cosmic Voyager
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Kumeu, New Zealand
Posts: 164
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A man was sitting down by a river in Africa watching a turtle sunbathing on the bank. The day was hot and calm and all was peaceful with the world. A small cloud of dust appeared off in the distance and as the man watched, an old but powerful elephant, ears twitching in the heat and tusks gleaming white in the bright afternoon sun, ambled in to view.
Following the approaching elephant, the man watched in awe as the giant beast walked up to the turtle lying on the bank, lowered his head and nudged the turtle awake with one alabaster tusk. The turtle slowly looked up, eyes half shut, rudely awakened. A discussion of sorts seemed to take place, though the man was too far away to hear with clarity. As quick as it started, dialogue ceased and the turtle put his head back down on the warm bank and closed his eyes.
Ears flapping wildly, the great grey beast seemed enraged. Drawing back one of its wrinkled and powerful front legs and with a bellow that shattered the easy calm of the countryside, the elephant kicked the unsuspecting turtle off the bank and into the river.
Astounded, the man's curiosity overcome any reservations he had of approaching the elephant. "Hey, I noticed that you kicked that poor old turtle right off the bank and into the river. Why?"
"Well", said the bemused elephant, "thirty years ago I was rolling around in the shallow waters of this river, minding my own business I will tell you, when I felt a sharp pain in my trunk. Looking down I saw this very turtle hanging off the end of it. Damn well hurt I can tell you. I have waited a long time for revenge."
The man scratched his head, "Well, what do you know, turtle recall."
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04-07-2005, 10:30 PM
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A very 'Senior' member.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: South Coast N.S.W.
Posts: 2,568
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That's terrible!!! L.
Last edited by RAJAH235; 04-07-2005 at 10:32 PM.
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04-07-2005, 10:46 PM
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i like lookin at stuff.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ferntree Gully
Posts: 433
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why did the koala fall out of the tree?
it was dead.
el
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04-07-2005, 10:47 PM
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i like lookin at stuff.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ferntree Gully
Posts: 433
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who said we couldn't make a go of a non-discriminitory joke thread.
el
p.s. that statement in itself was the joke
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04-07-2005, 10:56 PM
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Hapkido = Pain
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Newcastle NSW
Posts: 1,014
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Roses are red,
viotets are blue.
I'm a Schizophrenic,
and so am I
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05-07-2005, 12:08 PM
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Whats visual Astronomy
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 5,062
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lol...
You have to laugh at those short 1 liners.....love them all no matter how stupid they are...
Last edited by Striker; 05-07-2005 at 12:11 PM.
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05-07-2005, 12:43 PM
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i like lookin at stuff.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ferntree Gully
Posts: 433
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why did the elephant paint it's toe nails red.
so it could hide in the strawberry bush.
el
p.s there is a another variant of this that involves yellow paint and a lemon tree.
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05-07-2005, 02:39 PM
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casual star gazer
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Lower Hunter Valley-Maitland
Posts: 264
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How do you shoot a black elephant?
with a black elephant gun.
How do you shoot a pink elephant?
with a pink elephant gun.
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
wait for it...
you guessed it a blue elephant gun.
Now how do you shoot a white elephant?
no not a white elephant gun!
tie a knot in its trunk wait till it turns blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun
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05-07-2005, 09:35 PM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Cairns
Posts: 32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cahullian
Roses are red,
viotets are blue.
I'm a Schizophrenic,
and so am I
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If you're a Schizophrenic that makes four of us !!!
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05-07-2005, 09:37 PM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Cairns
Posts: 32
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A bumper sticker I saw years ago that still gives me a chuckle....
Eschew Obfuscation
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07-07-2005, 05:51 AM
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Cosmic Voyager
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Kumeu, New Zealand
Posts: 164
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A man is before the judge, after getting a ticket. He says "Judge, I'm
an Astrophysisist and I can explain my running that red light. As I was
approaching the intersection, I was drawing nearer the stoplight, so the
light from it was blue-shifted, since it seemed to be approaching me.
That effectively changed how I perceived the color of the red light, and
it appeared green."
The professor smiled smugly and the Judge nodded. "I see. Based on that
explanation, I'm dropping the charge of running the red light."
The professor started collecting his notes and prepared to leave the
courtroom.
"BUT," the judge continued, "also based on your explanation, I'm fining
you $1 million dollars for speeding. In order to blue-shift the red
light to green, you HAD to be doing at least 10,000 times the speed limit."
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07-07-2005, 08:16 AM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: S.A.
Posts: 1,079
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Starkler
They've got to be joking.
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08-07-2005, 12:47 AM
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Hapkido = Pain
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Newcastle NSW
Posts: 1,014
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A man wakes up in hospital screaming" NURSE NURSE i CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS."
The nurse replies " I know we amputated your arms."
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08-07-2005, 07:27 PM
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sausagemaker to the stars
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Dinmore, Queensland
Posts: 562
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This is a true story.
A mate of mine has glasses so thick, someone asked him how far he could see without them.
He took them off, looked up at the Sun and said, " I can see that, is 93 million miles far enough".
Mike
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10-07-2005, 11:20 AM
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sausagemaker to the stars
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Dinmore, Queensland
Posts: 562
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How do you know an elephant's been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
Mike
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11-07-2005, 04:12 PM
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sausagemaker to the stars
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Dinmore, Queensland
Posts: 562
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I saw a dozen eyepieces on a table.
The 12 Aplossl's.
I thought that one up all by myself
Mike
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11-07-2005, 04:52 PM
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Planet photographer
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Bundaberg
Posts: 8,819
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I LIKE it Mike! Good one!
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