Hi guys Can I say No

[leon]

Hi Guys.

I will keep this as short as possible.

My Son is very sick with the dreaded cancer thing.

He has had serious surgery and is not at all well, OK, that can be expected, and is now at his home, he has a wife and two young children, 2 and 6 years old.

I have taken him to and waited for him at appointments in Melbourne, yet
I live in Warrnambool which is a 600 kilometers round trip to pick him up and then come home, some 8 hours driving, later.

He has a capable wife, and really only has to make arrangements to look after the little ones, which we offer to do, but it is rejected.

It is to much for me, but I feel that I am thrown under the Bus, so to speak if i don't say yes.

Can I say no without guilt

Leon

[Bart]

Hi Leon.

Mate, how does anyone answer that?

You might have to be selfish and do what is right for you. It wont go down well perhaps, although a 600 km round trip does not go down well either.

Why does your lad not move closer for the duration of treatment? That would be the best idea, particularly if he is off work already.

There is no right or wrong answer here, although my grandfathers words keep ringing in my ears. "Help some one in the smallest way and they will appreciate it the most"

Oh, and yes, I understand the nature of the disease better than most will know.

[Nikolas (Nik)]

I'm not sure I understand what you are saying No to.

I'm not sure I understand what you meant when you offered to look after the kids. Was that full time looking after the kids?

[Rainmaker (Matt)]

I think it’s reasonable that you’ve offered to mind the grandchildren while your daughter-in-law takes her husband to Melbourne for treatment. That would mean you’re only driving half the amount and get to spend some nice time with your grandkids.

Driving long hours as we age gets a bit tiresome, perhaps even risky if your driving home tired.

[fsphotography (Frank)]

Leon, your health and wellbeing matters too. Do what you think is best for everybody. I don't envy your situation.
Best wishes,

Frank.

[Matthieu]

Hi Leon,
I'm really sorry to hear that. That must add a lot of stress on top of an already stressful situation.

I can't really help with saying what is right as it is so personal. But in your shoes, I'd look at everything about the situation and work out how I would feel depending on the decision I take. Realistically, it's hard to balance your own needs, with your son's and if I read between the lines correctly your son's wife's.

Full disclaimer, I grew up in Switzerland where driving 30 minutes is already considered a long drive.

[GTB_an_Owl (Geoff)]

where does your son live Leon?

geoff

[iborg (Philip)]

Hi Leon


You and your family are in a bad situation. I suspect there is no 'right' or 'wrong' answer.



My opinion is listen to any advice, consider it carefully, then try to decide what your gut is telling you, and go with that. In the long run, I would hope this will be the decision that you can live, least uncomfortably, with.


Having said that, I have just checked the Cancer Councils website and they have people who will talk to anyone connected to cancer. The phone number is 13 11 20. I have added a link to phone number.



I suggest calling them, as they may have suggestions about how to discuss your decision with your family. At the least, they may suggest what or how to avoid saying something, that may cause further pain for everyone.


Philip

[floyd_2 (Dean)]

Hi Leon. Really sorry about the situation mate. Whilst not answering your question directly, I wonder if the Victorian Patient Transport Assistance Scheme can help in any way - https://www.health.vic.gov.au/rural-...lity-for-vptas

I guess it partly depends on where your son lives, but it's something that has the potential to assist.

[Dennis]

Hello Leon

So sorry to hear of the unwelcome news and the immense pressure that the diagnosis has put you and your family members under.

If I understand it correctly, you are faced with a 600km, 8-hour trip which as a one off can probably be safely endured.

I suspect that if this were a work situation, there would be some health and safety directives that would say this is too risky to undertake on a regular basis.

Family ties and love are very strong and often allow us to dig deep into our reserves, but if they push you over the edge to risk your own well-being, either through personal stress impacting your health or potentially putting yourself (and other road users) in harm’s way due to excessive driving, then you are wise to question what has been asked of you.

There is no easy answer Leon, but if you were to have an accident or come to harm, this would devastate your family and potentially any other road users involved.

I would personally completely understand and support you in your decision should you feel deep down inside that you feel unsafe and are just not physically, emotionally, or mentally up to it. You have always come across as a decent, honest and fair person on this Forum.

It is so difficult to find the highest good in these complex and heart wrenching situations and I wish you and your family the best possible outcome.

Dennis

[Crater101 (Warren)]

Leon, you have my very best wishes for a good outcome for everyone. As others have said, this is not an easy situation for anyone.


I wouldn't presume to offer you advice, but one of the things I will mention in passing is an old principle of first aid; in helping someone, make sure that you don't become the next person needing help, i.e. don't do yourself harm in trying to help others. If you hit a 'roo on the trip back and forth, or wear yourself down and get sick yourself, you might not be there when you really need to be.



Good Luck! Sending you and your family all the best.

[leon]

Thank you very much for your help suggestions and support, we will work through this, I just wanted to talk about it i suppose.

My son lives in Creswick I live in Warrnambool.

I have to travel from Warrnambool to Creswick, some 200 kilometers, than from Creswick to Melbourne, some 120 kilometers, than from Melbourne to Creswick return, some 120 kilometers, then from Creswick to Warrnambool some 200 kilometers, man after 600 kilometers and 8 hours driving and being 74 I am stuffed

Thank You

Leon

[GTB_an_Owl (Geoff)]

offer to move in with them for the duration and use their car Leon

geoff