whats your Best Joke?

[Mombat]

I can't believe we don't have one of these yet!!!

Post your best and most favouristestestest Jokes here.
For example.


Whats yellow and cant swim?




A BULLDOZER!!!!!



Ohhh god i crack myself up anyway post your best joke maybe after a while we could judge them? What do you say Mike?

[[1ponders] (Paul)]

Gee that's a hard one. Its a toss up.

Striker
or
ving

Oh sorry you said joke didn't you, not joker. Ha Ha

[ballaratdragons (Ken)]

It was her wedding day and she was nervous.

She was worried about her new husbands friends coming over to visit at their new house all the time, how to make him slow down on his silly hobbies, how to slow his drinking.

While her girlfriends were doing the finishing touches to her hair she thought of a way to calm herself down. She started thinking of the good things she was about to see:

<b>The Aisle</b> - She pictured herself walking down the magnificent Aisle lined with flowers.

<b>The Alter</b> - She pictured the huge Alter with gold and Angels.

<b>The Hymn </b>- She hummed her favorite Hymn that would be playing as she walked down the Aisle.

It was time!

As she walked down the Aisle she started getting very nervous and wondered if she was doing the right thing.

Then she remembered her three calming thoughts!

There she goes, down through the church thinking of the magnificent Aisle, the huge Alter, The lovely Hymn.

"Aisle, . . . Alter, . . . Hymn,"

"Aisle, Alter, Hymn"

"I'll Alter Him"

I'll alter him!

Problem is, most of my jokes are "smutty", hence cannot be repeated here. Pity really.!!

[[1ponders] (Paul)]

You've not been married to my sister have you Ken?

[RAJAH235]

What types of shady characters do you allow to register here MIKE?
ALL TYPES, good count me in!

[Starkler (Geoff)]

I cant think of any right now that can be posted within the forum guidelines

Remember guys and gals, nothing sexist, profane, rascist or offensive to any minority groups .
Might have to buy a packet of fantales or minties for material

I guess theres the Sherlock Holmes one.....

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down in their tent for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically , I observe Saturn is in Leo. Logically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

"Is that all?" Holmes asked. "Yes," Watson replied. "Why, am I missing something?" Holmes was quiet for a moment, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen the tent!"

[ballaratdragons (Ken)]

2 prisoners are in their cell saying numbers and laughing when a new cell-mate arrives.

They all introduce themselves and the 2 go back to saying numbers and laughing:

1st prisoner: "127" (2 cell-mates holding stomachs laughing)

2nd prisoner: "302" (both cell-mates rolling on floor in fits of laughter)

The new inmate says what's going on? They compose themselves and explain that they have been in prison so long it's tiring telling long jokes so they numbered them. "Now when we want to tell a joke, we just say the number".

"Can I have a go" says the new guy?

"Sure" they both say.

New Guy: "86"

Nothing.

New Guy: "141"

Nothing.

New guys says "what's wrong, aren't there any jokes numbered 86 or 141, or aren't they funny?

1st prisoner says "yeah, but it's the way you told them".