Joke of the day

[TrevorW]

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise.'
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over and tells him what is happening. He adamantly demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'
The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'
'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck.'

[DavidU (Dave)]

[lacad01 (Adam)]

good one

[leon]

Yea not bad at all.

Leon

[M54 (Molly)]

I wonder what the chicken "surprise" would have been?!

[Sarge (Rod)]

Rod

[Ric]

Good one Trevor.

[supernova1965 (Warren)]

[bartman (Bart)]

Well done!!!!!

[I.C.D (Ian)]

Well done Trevor we need more of those to brighten up our day Ian C

[TrevorW]

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Center.

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you to each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch".

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.



Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, the chain broke, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SHxxt!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center and Claude was never invited back.

[AstralTraveller (David)]

[lacad01 (Adam)]

Took me a while to get it...gross

[taminga16 (Greg)]

After being married for thirty years ... my wife asked me to describe her.

I looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asked .... "What does that mean?"

I said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely.....What about I, J, K?"

I said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

My eye is still swollen....but it will get better.............

Cheers,
Greg.

[TrevorW]

Israel - Jerusalem : Wailing Wall

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been goingto the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was,walking slowly up to the holy site.She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?""Morris Fishbien," he replied.Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years.""60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
”I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.
I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.
I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adultsand to love their fellow man."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f'ing brick wall!"

[shelltree (Shelley)]

[PCH (Paul)]

Hilarious

[traveller (Bo)]

An oldie but a goodie.
The Royal Society commissioned an archiologist to excavate in a remote location in north east England. After digging to a depth of 10 feet, the team discovered a length of cooper wire. The next day the Royal Society announced that the English had a rudimentary telephony system dating to 1800's.
Not to be outdone, the Smithsonian commissioned a similar team to dig in south west US and discovered similar cooper wires at depth of 15 feet. The team announced that the US had a telephony system dating back to 1700's.
Inspired by this, Kevin Jones of Kalgoolie got out his shovel and started digging up his back yard. He dug 25 feet and found f#$k all. The next day, he sent a letter to the CSIRO stating that Australia had gone wireless even before European settlement.
Bo

[Mliss (Mel)]

love it.

what an awesome thread!