Cool Joke Or Not

vindictive666 (John) · #1 11-02-2006, 10:21 AM

hi all

came across this from the Explore Oz site

A "Good Womans" viewpoint........

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort
in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish
at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One
morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not
familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat
out. She motors out a short distance, anchors,
and continues to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual
assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", he said, and left.

http://www.exploroz.com/Splash.asp
http://www.exploroz.com/Forum/View.a...s%3D0%26PN%3D2

the link above is where the story is located however iam not sure if you have to subscribe to see it ?

moderators if this post is inappropriate delete it if required

[1ponders] (Paul) · #2 11-02-2006, 10:26 AM

(from my wife, she thought it was very funny)

ving (David) · #3 11-02-2006, 10:34 AM

its funny, but also a good reflection of modern fame of mind and society

asimov (John) · #4 11-02-2006, 10:44 AM

Yep!! I like that joke lol..

Starkler (Geoff) · #5 11-02-2006, 11:14 AM

This one is in a similar theme :

A fellow bought a new Porsche and was out on an freeway for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.
"There ain't no way they can catch a Porsche," he thought, and stepped on the gas. The needle hit 90, 100, 110, 130. and finally 150 with the lights still behind him.
"What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night", said the officer.

mick pinner · #6 11-02-2006, 01:18 PM

Robby

wavelandscott (Scott) · #7 11-02-2006, 01:41 PM

Be honest with yourself...he is not the only one at least thinking it...while I did not write it first, I admit that thought had crossed my mind too

astroron (Ron) · #8 11-02-2006, 08:29 PM

Stop Nittpicking!, I thought it was very funny,and had a good chuckle at both jokes.
I was only thinking just the other day of how serious some people take to monetering this site, let the monetors do their job and if you don't think they are doing it well send Mike a PM .

And Have A Nice Day. astroron

janoskiss (Steve H) · #9 12-02-2006, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by matt

...Takes a man to admit when he's wrong ...

Well, daah... We all know women are never wrong.

matt · #10 13-02-2006, 05:19 AM

Trust you to kill the mood, Steve

Ladies, feel free to tear him to shreds!!!!

vindictive666 (John) · #11 13-02-2006, 04:55 PM

came across this from explore oz again

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read, " The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started". So I looked around the house to see all the things I had started and hadn't finished.... and before I left the house this morning I had finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Jim Beam, the Prozac and some Valium, some Cheese cake and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freakin' good I feel.

You are free to pass this on to those that are looking for "Inner Peace"

wavelandscott (Scott) · #12 13-02-2006, 07:27 PM

Okay, I'll add one of my favorites...sorry in advance if it is inappropriate...and never ever drink and drive!

Imagine the southern dixie area and all of this spoken with the heavy US drawl...think "Dukes of Hazard"...

Two rednecks named Bubba and Earl are driving in their pick-up truck (with mounted gun rack and dogs in the back) drinking Budweiser longnecks (a popular US beer in glass botles)...up ahead on the highway Bubba notices a state trooper roadblock and he begins to get nervous (as drinking and driving are illegal)...Bubba says to Earl "Hey Earl, what are we gonna do?"...Earl says calmly to Bubba..."Don't fret nun Bubba, just do what I tell ya to do...peel off one'em beer labels from the bottles and slap it on your forehead like this"...Earl demonstrates the technique and Bubba follows suit...

Soon Bubba and Earl pull up to the state trooper roadblock and the trooper approaches the pick-up...

"Evening boys" says the trooper looking inside the truck and seeing Bubba and Earl with beer labels stuck to their foreheads...

"You boys been drinking?" asks the state trooper...

Earl replies, "No sir, we is on the patch!"....

This describes most of my family!!!

cjmarsh81 · #13 15-02-2006, 09:56 PM

Someone sent me this one, thought it was pretty funny.

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.

venus (Lydia) · #14 15-02-2006, 10:29 PM

The CEO ones a hoot!
Here are some jokes my son told me........

Sir could I please purchase a ticket to the Moon?
Sorry Sir the Moon is full tonight.

What do hungry stars chew on?.....
the Milky Way
my favorite is "What's the most dangerous type of star?"
"A shooting star"

cjmarsh81 · #15 15-02-2006, 11:38 PM

Hehe. I like the moon one Venus. Ok, posting one more for tonight, not really a joke but very funny.

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYERS REPORT<o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p><o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's accident<o:p></o:p></pre>
report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent the<o:p></o:p></pre>
Workers' Compensation board. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award<o:p></o:p></pre>
for sure...<o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
Dear Sir, <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block<o:p></o:p></pre>
3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my<o:p></o:p></pre>
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following<o:p></o:p></pre>
details will be sufficient. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone<o:p></o:p></pre>
on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found<o:p></o:p></pre>
that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be<o:p></o:p></pre>
slightly in excess of 500lbs.<o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a<o:p></o:p></pre>
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on<o:p></o:p></pre>
the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung<o:p></o:p></pre>
the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied<o:p></o:p></pre>
the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my<o:p></o:p></pre>
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I<o:p></o:p></pre>
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of<o:p></o:p></pre>
the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an<o:p></o:p></pre>
equally impressive speed.<o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar<o:p></o:p></pre>
bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the<o:p></o:p></pre>
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately<o:p></o:p></pre>
by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly<o:p></o:p></pre>
to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the<o:p></o:p></pre>
same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell<o:p></o:p></pre>
out of the barrel.<o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately<o:p></o:p></pre>
50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid<o:p></o:p></pre>
descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor,<o:p></o:p></pre>
I met the barrel coming up.<o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles,<o:p></o:p></pre>
broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
Here my luck began to change slightly. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries<o:p></o:p></pre>
when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae<o:p></o:p></pre>
were cracked.<o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in<o:p></o:p></pre>
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let<o:p></o:p></pre>
go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey<o:p></o:p></pre>
back down onto me. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
This explains the two broken legs. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
I hope this answers your inquiry. <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p> </o:p></pre>
Kevin Roben<o:p></o:p></pre>
Wagga Glass & Aluminium Pty Ltd<o:p></o:p></pre>
<st1:address w:st="on"><st1:Street w:st="on">PO Box</st1:Street> 5004</st1:address> (<st1:Street w:st="on"><st1:address w:st="on">11 Dobney Ave</st1:address></st1:Street>)<o:p></o:p></pre>
Wagga Wagga NSW 2650 <o:p></o:p></pre>
<o:p></o:p></pre>
Wagga Wagga NSW 2650 <o:p></o:p></pre>