Astronomers everywhere are talking about the massive supernova of the star Eta Carina, which occurred around 3am this morning. Amateur astronomer Ins Omnya, who was observing the star when it exploded, said that it was just incredible. Every celestial object suddenly disappeared under the spray of light. The inter-spacial glow was expected to persist for about 50 years, putting an end to all astronomical viewing in our lifetime. News had spread quickly and there was already a glut of telescopes on eBay.
Worldwide, astronomers are pondering this major setback after the recent incredible advances in terrestrial and space telescopes. Renowned cosmologist Uno Nutting was rueing over this now steady state of the skyglow- “Biggest cosmic bang ever. What a ripper, Eta!” was his only comment.
Astronomer extraordinaire Daak Matta said this was a nasty blow for astronomy. It had certainly contracted rather than expanded his universe. He regretted that he would now have to join his father and work in the family’s chocolate factory to make a living. Nearby, his father commented- “Daak’s future now looks brighter and the chocolates will improve Daak’s energy!”
Brilliant aussie astronomer Neva Daylite explained that the star had exploded with such force that he thought the resulting Black Hole had ended up in the nearby constellation of Crux. By his calculations, the impact of the gravitational waves on the constellation Crux had resulted in a re-alignment of its stars so that the cross now pointed east instead of south. He also believed that alpha Centauri had now become the pole star. Unfortunately, no-one could make visual confirmation of any of these speculations.
Senator Bob from the Greens with his usual dry humour remarked- “we’re all beaming with de light”. He then added it was a real plus for the environment as we would save on power and greenhouse emissions. His new motto- “Star light, star bright. No lights switched on tonight”.
Wurkas Rytes from the New Socialist Party also agreed this was a positive outcome as NASA telescope funding could now be channelled into the pockets of workers. He suggested the Hubble Telescope be shipped back and raffled off world-wide to help get America out of the current financial crisis. An event that could start a new trend- recycling space junk as works of art or memorabilia back here on Earth.
Company executive Mira Starr from Celestial Telescopes said flexibility was the key and that they were going to re-cycle telescopes to make automatic blinds and shutters to block-out the skyglow. The lenses and mirrors would be remodelled as paper weights and door stoppers; they would make interesting conversation pieces.
“All is not lost”, said optical specialist Mi Opia. She was beginning work on super lenses for telescopes that would filter out the radiation from the supernova. “This time next year, we should be able to see the Moon again and possibly Sirius and some of the brighter planets”. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.
Lol, linkage?
Apr 1???
