Haha! Sorry but it's all true!
I'm another user with 30 year old gear. Wot's wrong with 1 inch 25mm Kellners anyway? I have a nice 25mm Unitron that works real beut. I even whip out the old Huygens every now and then to remind me how good it is.
Me motor drives... I use a 30 year old tape recorder motor wired to a variable resistor with a hand controller from a 70's TV game.
Me telescope is made out of wood, with mirrors made from thin plate glass. Instead of a real tool, to make the mirrors I use small craft tiles glued to a piece of wood. I did try to make a telescope mirror out of wood, but it wooden work. (okay I made that bit up)

I did however try to make a mirror out of an aluminium disc. It wooden work either.

However satellite dishes work just fine made out of wood!
I ground a simple 4 inch f22 refractor objective out of window glass. Chromatic aberration was pretty bad (make that very bad) but it worked!
Flat mirrors are a luxury, I use prisms ripped out of 30 year old worn out binoculars. I use the eyepieces out of the binos too. Wider angle than Meade.
The finders are made from the optics of old projector lenses I found down the dump. Crosshairs made from hair.
The main mirror adjuster's springs are valve springs from some old FORD.
Toilet seat bolts hold the Spider in place!
My observatory is the dining room and I just point the scope out the window.
What I just wrote is ALL TRUE! Wanna see photos?
Your all spoiled these days!