Family loss...I'm sad!

wavelandscott (Scott) · #1 06-08-2006, 04:33 PM

This is a sad post...sorry to bring everyone down but I needed to "vent" my feelings...I apologize for the length and content...I just need to get this all off of my chest.

My youngest brother, Ryan, passed away yesterday morning in his sleep...he was 33 years old.

While no one posting here ever got a chance to know him, he was a very special person to me. In this particular instance I mean special in many different ways.

Ryan suffered from schizophrenia and had suffered since he was in his early teens...additionally he was otherwise mentally quite challenged. While he had very high level verbal communication skills, overall his cognitive abilities were judged to be at about year 3-4 primary school.

In the early stages of his illness, my family struggled greatly as he could easily become quite violent...and did...it was not unusual for the voices in his head to convince him to do (at least try to do) things that no sane person would consider.

After many visits to specialists and other doctors, we were so very fortunate to finally find a medication that helped him...while he was still a bit "obsessive" at times, he was no longer violent. Fortunately, this allowed him to have a reasonable quality of life in his young adult years until his unexpected passing.

I am proud to share with you a few of his accomplishments...he was on state title winning softball, basketball and 10 pin bowling teams.

We are thankful that near my parents the Speciall Olympic organization was very active and this got Ryan the opportunity to taste some success. I was fortunate to be in attendance at a few of his victories in softball and basketball. He sure was proud of his team, as we would all be.

With the help of medication and much family support Ryan was able to have a bit of independance and have his own apartment not far from my parent's farm. With lots of practice and determination he was able to pass the motor vehicle driver test and obtain a car operator license...and by mowing yards and saving his money he was able to finally get a car of his own. Again, you can't imagine how proud he was of this accomplishment.

He often dreamed about coming to visit me here in Australia but because of some of the troubles of his youth he was unable to get a visa...a fact that is still a very sore point with me but that is a different story.

I will be heading back to the US next week for his funeral...

While Ryan was exceptionally limited from his illness, he never let it stop him from accomplishing in his own way great things. He was/is an inspiration to me...whenever I am feeling a bit sorry for myself and the cards that "cruel" fate deals me, I just think about all of the things my "little" brother did without complaint and remember that I don't have it so bad after all.

Mental illness is an often time silent issue suffered by families too scared or ashamed to talk about it...this is too bad as there is help out there (sometimes hard to find) but available...

I miss him...he had a good soul...

ballaratdragons (Ken) · #2 06-08-2006, 04:49 PM

My thoughts are with you Scott.

Go to America and see him off, then remember what an inspiration he was to you.

Don't think of him as gone, think of him as moved to a new address. And hang on to the knowledge that you'll be moving there with him one day (wherever that is).

astroron (Ron) · #3 06-08-2006, 04:50 PM

My thoughts go out to you and your family, Scott. I had a brother who also has a very troubled life, with Polio as a child and because of his very weak leg was unable to keep down a job, even though he was able to build his own Moterbike from scrap and spare parts, he never had any machanical or electrical schooling, but his bike wasa work of art, he used to get stopped by the police just to look at the workmanship.
He passed on at only forty to cancer in 1991,but like you I still miss him.
All the best on your return to the states. Ron

matt · #4 06-08-2006, 04:57 PM

Sorry to read that news Scott.

Sympathies to you and your family.

leon · #5 06-08-2006, 04:57 PM

Hi Scott
Although i do not know you, or your brother, please accept my coldolance for the passing of your brother.

Leon

h0ughy (David) · #6 06-08-2006, 05:00 PM

sorry to hear of your news. My thoughts are with you and your family.

RB (Andrew) · #7 06-08-2006, 05:03 PM

Scott, my deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Even though we've never met Ryan, I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

I feel as though we are all family here on the forum and indeed we all share your loss and pain at this moment.

Andrew

xstream (John) · #8 06-08-2006, 05:09 PM

Thanks for sharing that in your sad time of loss Scott.
My condolences to you and your family, may he RIP.

Kind regards,
John.

acropolite (Phil) · #9 06-08-2006, 05:13 PM

That's terrible news Scott, my sympathies to you and your family.

RAJAH235 · #10 06-08-2006, 05:18 PM

My condolences to you & your family over your loss, Scott....L.

Astroman (Andrew Wall) · #11 06-08-2006, 05:32 PM

All of the above to you and your family Scott.

netwolf · #12 06-08-2006, 05:40 PM

My condolences to you and your family Scott. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

Kind Regards,
Fahim

gbeal · #13 06-08-2006, 05:52 PM

Sorry to hear this Scott, small community we have, and each is special to the other.

drmorbius (Randall) · #14 06-08-2006, 06:05 PM

Sorry to hear that Scott, our thoughts are with you. Have a safe trip and take care...

Lee · #15 06-08-2006, 06:15 PM

That is awful news. Condolences to you and the family mate.

Orion · #16 06-08-2006, 06:18 PM

I am so sorry to hear that Scott.

What you said touched me deeply.
My brother also had trouble with schizophrenia but is now living by himself and holding down a cleaning job, the medication helped him as well.

My condolences Scott to you and your family.

Rodstar (Rod) · #17 06-08-2006, 06:43 PM

Scott, my thoughts and prayers are also with you and your family at this time. Sounds like Ryan led a very full life and achieved a great deal, which no doubt also is wonderful reflection of the love and care of his family. Safe journey mate...hope to see you back soon at Kulnura.

seeker372011 (Narayan) · #18 06-08-2006, 06:59 PM

Scott
so sorry to hear of your loss.

from your account Ryan achieved so much and you are right to be proud of him.We share your grief in his untimely passing even though we did not know him personally.
Narayan

jjjnettie (Jeanette) · #19 06-08-2006, 07:45 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
33 is such a young age to pass away.
So sad.

My cousin has schizophrenia and I can fully appreciate the support that you and your family have given your brother. ( my uncle and aunt gave up on David when he was first diagnosed and so our family took him in )

yagon · #20 06-08-2006, 07:46 PM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I understand your pain: my older brother has schizophrenia. He was diagnosed about 15 years ago, and is now aged 41. He is still alive, but chooses to live the life of a homeless person, rejecting our efforts to help him. He calls me about once per year, but refuses to leave any contact details for him.

It sounds like you and your family have been able to help him. You should be proud of his achievements. You should also be especially proud of your efforts to help him: it sounds like he has had a good quality of life through your efforts.

It is a very difficult illness to manage for all involved. Each family's circumstance is different. Your comment about families being too scared or ashamed is very true. It is hurtful to discuss such issues.

R