Your daily laugh - Page 6

astroron (Ron) · #**101** 23-11-2010, 08:16 PM

LMAO

danielsun · #**102** 23-11-2010, 09:43 PM

Jen.

astroron (Ron) · #**103** 23-11-2010, 10:00 PM

I hope this has not been posted before

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of
the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive
is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, 'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was
all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side
near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand
years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll
give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one
for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world
complete with servants,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be
safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what
about you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband.I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other.

The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop FUN, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your
husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly

'No Kidding,' he said.

'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'

Jen · #**104** 23-11-2010, 10:09 PM

Ric · #**105** 24-11-2010, 03:24 PM

Nice one Ron

jjjnettie (Jeanette) · #**106** 24-11-2010, 07:52 PM

Lol

blindman · #**107** 24-11-2010, 09:46 PM

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This
will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Kevnool (Kev) · #**108** 25-11-2010, 06:28 PM

Education....

A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going.“I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.” The policeman asks, “Really? And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?

“My wife”

Cheers Kev.

supernova1965 (Warren) · #**109** 20-12-2010, 07:19 PM

The Ugly Frog

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

He whispered, 'I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME.. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.'

The older lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anythingelse.So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her.As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY..'!

So! The older lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLDER LADY'S KISS.

SUDDENLY THE OLDER LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLDER LADY TURNED INTO?

COME ON GUESS!

*

*

*

*

SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST Travelodge SHE COULD FIND!!!

She's older..... NOT BLOODY DEAD!!!!!

OLD LADIES ROCK

supernova1965 (Warren) · #**110** 31-08-2011, 08:04 AM

An old farmer wrote to his son in prison.
" This year I won't be able to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground, I know if you were here u would help me."
The son wrote: " Dad don't think of digging the ground because that's where I buried the guns "
Police reads the letter and the very next day, the whole ground was dug by police looking for guns but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again " Now plant your potatoes dad, it's the best I could do from here!

jjjnettie (Jeanette) · #**111** 31-08-2011, 08:25 AM

LOL good one Warren.

Jen · #**112** 31-08-2011, 09:48 PM

hehehe

Kevnool (Kev) · #**113** 11-11-2011, 09:23 PM

A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly
the pilot dies.
Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back
Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First
I need you to give me your height and position.
I'm 5"2' and sitting in the right front seat.
Ground control says Repeat after me Our Father...who art in Heaven

DavidU (Dave) · #**114** 11-11-2011, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevnool

A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly
the pilot dies.
Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back
Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First
I need you to give me your height and position.
I'm 5"2' and sitting in the right front seat.
Ground control says Repeat after me Our Father...who art in Heaven