Your daily laugh - Page 2

TrevorW · #21 01-02-2010, 04:02 PM

supernova1965 (Warren) · #22 20-02-2010, 09:53 PM

Hope noone finds this offensive

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been
Married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided
To amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.
We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend :
The other night when my boyfriend came over he
Found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all nightlong.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was
Wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner,Batman?"

DavidU (Dave) · #23 20-02-2010, 10:16 PM

HAHAHAHAHA, my laptop is covered in a cup of tea now

Quote:

Originally Posted by supernova1965

Hope noone finds this offensive

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been
Married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided
To amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.
We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend :
The other night when my boyfriend came over he
Found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all nightlong.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was
Wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner,Batman?"

supernova1965 (Warren) · #24 20-02-2010, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DavidU

HAHAHAHAHA, my laptop is covered in a cup of tea now

I won't pay to fix it

Jen · #25 22-02-2010, 03:53 PM

What do you get when you mix PMS and a GPS?

A crazy woman that will find you

danielsun · #26 22-02-2010, 10:47 PM

Onya Jen!

kinetic (Steve) · #27 25-04-2010, 09:16 AM

Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got there,
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look
Towards sky, what you see? '
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it
tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to
be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the
Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically,
it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo sh-t.
It means someone stole the tent.'

Jen · #28 25-04-2010, 04:14 PM

Hehe LOL Steve

leon · #29 25-04-2010, 04:21 PM

That is a good one Steve,

I have heard it before.

Leon

M54 (Molly) · #30 25-04-2010, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kinetic

Lone Ranger

space oddity · #31 25-04-2010, 07:47 PM

Heard this joke with Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson.Still a great joke. Like all jokes, it is better when told- can emphasise the "fool" and have fun with the voices - thumb the nose up at the politically correct.
And now I feel compelled to share a favourite (by my standards clean-not saying much) joke.
2 mates are driving in the country. They stop off to fill up on petrol. One guy says "could ya fill' er up while I head off to the little boy's room."
The other guy fills the car, wipes the windsceens, checks oil, water tyres-the lot and is still waiting and waiting.After 40 minutes, he is totally bored, heads off to the bathroom to drag his mate out.He bangs on the door."Hey, whats the story, you've been there for ages." "Help me, help me please.Every time I get up to get out , something jumps up and grabs me by the testicles. Help me , help me please."
His mate opens the door. "Fool, you've sat on the mop bucket."

I vote for a joke thread.Jokes make me starry eyed.

avandonk · #32 25-04-2010, 09:10 PM

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

Bert

that_guy (Tony) · #33 26-04-2010, 07:40 PM

why is 6 afraid of 7?

because 7 8 9!!!!

danielsun · #34 26-04-2010, 07:50 PM

Two cannibals are eating a clown , One says to the other "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"

supernova1965 (Warren) · #35 27-04-2010, 04:35 PM

The Australian Medical Association has weighed in on the new Rudd health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feelingabout it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while theRadiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologistswere pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the BUMS in Canberra.

TrevorW · #36 27-04-2010, 04:41 PM

Cough Warren

big_dav_2001 (Davin) · #37 27-04-2010, 10:14 PM

lmao!!!......hehehehe

supernova1965 (Warren) · #38 16-06-2010, 01:52 PM

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb..
(Now that's more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length.. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain..
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

bartman (Bart) · #39 16-06-2010, 02:17 PM

Why did the blond have a sore belly button?
Her boyfriend was blond....

What do you call a three legged donkey?
A Wonkey.....

bloodhound31 · #40 16-06-2010, 02:28 PM

A man was found dead this morning, apparently having drowned in his sultana bran....

Sources say he was possibly pulled under by a strong currant.