Welcome Patrick
. I'll have a go at helping - I expect many will suggest you find a local meeting to join in so you can have a look and learn for youself as well as chat with people who've already made some choices buying gear.
1. You can't really say reflectors/refractors are better at DSO/planetary. Aperture rules for collecting light to see faint fuzzies (DSOs), but also gives you better resolving power. For a same size refractor you generally get much sharper images than the reflector, but then you can buy a much bigger reflector for the same $. Most of the planetary gurus seem to use either 12" or larger reflectors, or 11" or larger SCTs.
2. Focal ratio - for the same size (aperture), the exposure time varies roughly as the square of the FR. So an F5 8" (FL 1000mm) reflector will gather light 4 times faster than an F10 8" (FL 2000mm) SCT for example. Incidentally this is why ED80 refractors at F7 are so highly prized - fast, tight imaging with a great field of view and decent price.
3. Have already started to answer - longer FR not inferior - gives a tighter FOV and longer imaging times, but yes - can be very handy when trying to see more detail on bright objects (planetary).
4. Haven't owned a dob, but remember most of the weight is in the glass and will depend on area/volume of mirror - so 10" has at least 50% more weight than 8". Most people say 10" is largest size feasible for fitting in the back seat of a sedan.
Have fun!
R