Support Group for those with "AAS" - Page 5

jjjnettie (Jeanette) · #81 03-09-2009, 09:11 AM

You sound like a good husband Wade.
Family first.
I always make sure the kids are tended to before going out to the scope.

wavelandscott (Scott) · #82 03-09-2009, 09:14 AM

What a compelling thread to read...

I count myself in the fortunate column in that I have a generally Astro-supportive spouse...

I work hard at the office and then I try hard to make a contribution at home before I sneak away to the night sky. From time to time if the sky looks clear my wife will even encourage me to get my toys out.

I do restrict most of my viewing to the weekends and include my boys when possible...it seems to work for us.

jjjnettie (Jeanette) · #83 03-09-2009, 09:24 AM

One way to share Astronomy with the kids is to get them into iridium flare and satellite spotting. Download an ephemeris from Heavens Above, lay down a tarp for the kids to lie on, then point out where to look in the sky. It can be very exciting for them. The tension building as the time get's closer. Then screams of "There it is!!". Brilliant!

Omaroo (Chris Malikoff) · #84 03-09-2009, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jjjnettie

One way to share Astronomy with the kids is to get them into iridium flare and satellite spotting. Download an ephemeris from Heavens Above, lay down a tarp for the kids to lie on, then point out where to look in the sky. It can be very exciting for them. The tension building as the time get's closer. Then screams of "There it is!!". Brilliant!

Apophis?

jjjnettie (Jeanette) · #85 03-09-2009, 04:25 PM

Do you like the sneaky way I'm training all the neighbourhood kids to keep an eye out?

AstralTraveller (David) · #86 03-09-2009, 04:32 PM

My wife and I had met casually at a BBQ but several months later we met at a display the astronomy club had on campus during O week. Suddenly she found astronomy _very_ interesting and visited the display every day. That was the start of our 31 years together.

With that as a begining she was never going to object to my hobby. For many years she came along to a few observing nights and enjoyed looking at the pretties. (She found nights when I decided to track down the faintest galaxy possible a bit tedious.) A few years ago she decided to take the hobby seriously and is now the secretary of our small club.

We also now have his and hers scopes - more or less. I tend to get the 'unwanted' scope! We first bought a 15cm refractor with goto but she found it too difficult to set up and her idea of learning to sky by watching where it pointed just didn't work (told her so). So we got a 25cm dobs and a laser pointer and she is now learning her way around the sky using that. Except of course if she feels lazy and then it's back to the goto, once I have set it up for her. This arrangement probably makes observing more work for me but I am not complaining. We like doing things together (eg camping, bush walking, bird watching). The only passtime I won't share with her in bicycle riding; she is just sooo slow - every 100m I have to stop and wait minutes for her to catch up. I think she must get it stuck in reverse!!

mozzie (Peter) · #87 03-09-2009, 05:34 PM

well jjj im one of the lucky ones my little lady supports me in doing something instead of sitting and watching tv had no probs with me buying a pod im using the scope more no setup time the kids come down have a look so does elise the hole family is coming to iisac this year they all love to camp but there has to be a medium i still do things with the family last camp to minnie waters no scope at all just family time
mozzie

DavidU (Dave) · #88 03-09-2009, 06:42 PM

My wife is pretty good really she sit's on the bed and goes on Facebook while I'm in the lounge room on IIS (yes I email her sometimes).
She wanted me to buy a scope again after selling all my gear years ago to pay for school fees etc. Kids are a way more expensive hobby than astonomy LOL

ngcles · #89 03-09-2009, 06:51 PM

Hi Jeanette & All,

First up, thanks JJJ for starting such an interesting and in many ways "courageous" thread.

Chris, I'm sorry to hear about your split-up mate. Divorce is one of the most stressful events in life and wish you well. Hope it's as amicable as it can be in the circumstances.

Having spent twenty years of my life in courtrooms as a prosecutor, I've seen hundreds that go really bad and in those situations there is only one winner -- the lawyers.

The hatred, the revenge, the tit-for-tat and the violence is hard to watch. Could I tell a story or two about that!

So far as you possibly can mate, make it amicable and look forward to better times down the track. They will come.

Back to the subject at hand.

Boy do I envy you guys who have ambivalent or better supportive spouses.

No such luck here.

We're often in a state of "limited war" or at best a cold truce over the subject of astronomy. Whether it's time or money or lack of attention or ... something, it’s rarely a happy subject around the dinner table.

Things are less tense nowadays than they were say fifteen years ago when my daughter was young but still, it's a rare occasion when anything astronomical is "encouraged". I have never once missed a family event, school event, medical appointment etc etc the whole time my girl grew up (no, not even a single one) but was often accused of giving the family the "spare-time". My "jobs" are always done, the bills paid, I'm good with helping with the housework (no I really am) but that seems to cut no ice -- at all.

Money spent on astronomy used to be a difficult subject too. I am very, very fortunate that I've got a couple of small part-time "astronomy jobs" so whatever I've spent on astronomy, five or six times more from astronomy has gone into the kitty over the years.

I think for many of us, the art is negotiating a balance that will limit at least the arguments (... thank you Captain Obvious). Easier said than done and what works for one, won't necessarily work for all.

My best mate (apart from my wife who I still love dearly despite all this) Gary owns a 20" and is in precisely the same boat as myself when it comes to spousal relations. We frequently commiserate with each other over the subject.

At least it's good to know we're not alone ...

Best,

Les D

renormalised (Carl) · #90 03-09-2009, 07:12 PM

The thing that really annoys me with people is their insistence of having you to do all the bending and swaying whilst they remain rigid in their attitudes. Now, I'm not married, but I've been in a few relationships in my time. Most have split amicably but not over astronomy. However, I feel that if you really love something you shouldn't have to give it up just for their sake and they shouldn't insist that you do. If they do, then ask them to give up on something they love as well and you'll hear howls of protest and self righteous indignation. But then you'll see just how long it will last if they do take you up on it...not very long at all. Yes, any relationship is about compromise, give and take, but not to the point where either or both of you end up hating one another, or it's just a silly game of power playing. Sometimes I wonder whether it's worth it, getting into a marriage with someone, given all the rubbish that seems to go on between people, but if you're lucky enough to hit on that happy medium then it is. Usually when there's a dispute over a cherished hobby or whatever, the problem is much deeper seated than what it appears and not necessarily to do with the subject at hand. Only that it is acting as a catalyst for whatever else is wrong.

multiweb (Marc) · #91 03-09-2009, 07:18 PM

Very interesting thread. I thought I was the only one walking on eggs

Sorry to hear about all your ordeal Chris, but things will get better and the stars will always be there.

On my end I try to stay out of trouble

while not giving up too much and make a stand when I need to. Got to make time for everything though and family comes first.

RobF (Rob) · #92 03-09-2009, 09:10 PM

I count myself as one of the lucky ones I guess - my "special one" is happy for me to head out once we're all fed and the young ones are in bed. My "2nd coming" to Astronomy has fitted really well with a young family while giving Dad an outlet and chance to hang out with others and their "boys toys".

One problem I do have - my wife likes me to spend whatever I like on astro gear - 'cause then she can go spend the same on herself! If only we had the money to make that work

Now - I wonder if I can swing a full week for Astrofest next year....

Ric · #93 03-09-2009, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FredSnerd

Hey Ric, I reckon you got the bestest Avitar. Where'd you get it?

Hi Claude, I found it doing a google search for squirrel images and it just cracked me up as well.

Cheers

stephenb (Stephen) · #94 04-09-2009, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erick

My lovely wife is not anti-, but doesn't understand why I like. She has quizzed me closely and has come to the view that it maintains my sanity so OK. Simultaneously she seems to accept that it is an incurable mental instability on my part - the word "crazy" comes out several times, but lovingly, thank goodness. The expenditure, however, can become an issue.......

I'll jump in here after an exhaustive, but enlightening read. Struth, we all seem to have our ups and downs and our fair share of bad runs (I hear you Chris, more power to you, mate)

My wife is also very supportive, but not really interested. Mainly because she just cannot cannot stand the cold air and temperatures. Sometimes standing out in the Winter night, I don't blame her. I wouldn't call myself obsessed with the hobby, but I have been interested in it for a long time. But family and then my work committments, come first - hobbies are a distant third.

My wife is very talented in craft and card makeing (she makes personalised greeting cards and invitations, sometimes dozens a week) and her domain is in her well-equipped craft room, which as more craft supplies than a Lincraft store

Sometimes, I just prefer to sit in the lounge with here and our 6yo princess as a family and forget the hobbies and enjoy life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobF

One problem I do have - my wife likes me to spend whatever I like on astro gear - 'cause then she can go spend the same on herself! If only we had the money to make that work

ditto Rob, it's a nice arrangements, isn't it?

Thanks for a wonderful thread guys.

p.s. Rick, you have the most talked about avitar in this country!

AstralTraveller (David) · #95 04-09-2009, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glenluceskies

My wife is also very supportive, but not really interested. Mainly because she just cannot cannot stand the cold air and temperatures. Sometimes standing out in the Winter night, I don't blame her.

At home my wife is the same. She'll be wearing a jumper and uggs while I'm in shorts. But once she is out under the stars she is frost proof. I used to pack it in before her. I now have the problem sorted. Freezer Suit!! See the wise old owl.