Some Jokes

[Yuzza]

Just a few jokes a found on the net

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Bumper Stickers for Astronomers

10. My Other Car is a Saturn
9. Astronomers Do It in the Dark
8. Cosmologists Do It with a Big Bang</B>
7. My (husband / wife) asked me to give up stargazing. I will miss (him/her.)</B>
6. Telescope in Trunk</B>
5. Honk if you're from Draco!</B>
4. I'm an Astronomer, Not an Astrologer Dang It!</B>
3. Black Holes Suck</B>
2. So Many Parallel Universes, So Little Time...</B>
1. Size does matter!</B>


*Disclaimer: For the naughty-minded people, the reference to size has to do solely with the size of a telescope's primary mirror or objective lens.


You Might NOT Be An Astronomer If You Think That...

AURORA BOREALIS
is an exotic dancer in Nome, Alaska
AN ASTRONOMICAL UNIT
refers to the cost of an Air Force toilet.
BETELGEUSE
is the stuff you squeegee off the windshield of your car.
CLOCK DRIVE
refers to the street beneath Big Ben.
A GASEOUS PROMINENCE
is Newt Gingrich.
HYPERED FILM
is when you really need to brush your teeth.
LIGHT POLLUTION
is a few beer cans in the yard.
AN UMBRA
is something you need during a rain shower.
PLUTO
is Mickey's sidekick.
NORTHERN LIGHTS
is a brand of a mentholated, low nicotine cigarette.
PERIHELION
is a guy who sang "That's Amore" in the 1950s.
SOLAR CORONA
is warm Mexican beer.
AN OFF AXIS GUIDER
is a persistent backseat driver.
A MAKSUTOV
is a wine bottle filled with gasoline and thrown at tanks.
A STAR PARTY
is a Hollywood bash.
SCHMIDT-CASSEGRAIN
is a German meal made with rice.
REFRACTOR
is when Vito breaks your leg for the second time.
ZODIACAL LIGHT
is a low alcohol beer.
A STAR CHART
predicts the future.
A PENUMBRA
is something you need during a rain shower or when you need to write a note.
THE PHOTOSPHERE
is a snapshot of a beachball.
A GRAVITATIONAL LENS
is the new contact your kid drops through an open grate.
A NEUTRON
is a fig cookie.
A LIGHT YEAR
is a period of time when you don't have enough cash.
A BLACK HOLE
is that sump in your basement.
SOLAR WIND
is what your fat uncle had after Thanksgiving dinner.
URANUS
is an anatomical feature rather than a planet.