For Sale: Recession-Proof Your Marriage!

[tims]

I found this ad in the classifieds on Astromart - it's a classic!!

"Since the recession is stressing even the perfect marriages ???, I thought it was time to pass on some wisdom to husbands on how to keep their relationships handily afloat. It's no secret that conjugal forever togetherness has always been threatened by the astrophotography hobby. Gathered over 42 years of marriage, the tips below have been time tested and proven. These were originally posted in response to a few "Yikes, my wife is going to leave me" ads here from semi-abused husbands coerced into selling their telescope equipment.

1. GET A SEPARATE BANK ACCOUNT NOW and do not tell her about it.
I was 25 years into my marriage when I suddenly realized I could not afford dollar 'retaliation' in our relationship. For every dollar I dedicated to astrogear, she would spend $2 on purely frivolous kitchen accessories. (Who really needs a digital pressure cooker and motorized toaster?) The poor house was not far away. This, btw, did not curtail her spending, just brought it down to a 1:1 ratio.

2. GET A SERIES IV 'STILETTO' FOCUSER -more on that later-.

3. SHIP TO YOUR OFFICE ADDRESS Fully 80% of our 'Stiletto' focusers are delivered to corporate addresses where you would not be able to find a single camera in the entire multiplex. I suspect that these units are removed from their original packaging and taken home in a bowling bag or similar.

4.BUILD A ROLL-OFF ROOF OBSERVATORY IN THE BACKYARD DISGUISED AS A GARDEN SHED Wives will never go into a garden shed, especially if you tell them you spotted some mice out there. If a package is inadvertently delivered at home, run out to the shed with it right away shouting " the @#$% WeedWhacker part finally arrived". (Free plans for building the observatory are on our website.)

5. ORDER LARGE ASTRO ITEMS AROUND PRIME HOLIDAYS Wives never question large boxes delivered around Christmas and their birthdays, and assume there is going to be a surprise.

6. DO NOT PURCHASE FROM COMPANIES CALLED "ASTROwhatever" These names will stand out like a sore thumb on credit card statements. It's much better to purchase from Anacortes where you can explain that it was just another donation to the wild bird refuge in Washington. (Herb can even back you up if she decides to call. )

7. DO NOT BUY 'GUILT' PRESENTS Even if you do spend $3k on that Tak, do not give in to the temptation to buy her a box of chocolates unannounced. She will only think you've been hitting on the secretaries at work, and you will get a call from a divorce lawyer named Ray.

8. PLAN EXCUSES AHEAD OF TIME AND COMMUNICATE
Before she suddenly notices you sold the BMW and now have an old VW and new camera, be ready to explain that gas prices are still going up and that digital cameras have no maintenance at all. You can then pixeleese her to death with tech talk until she walks away.

9. PREVENT FFDS
By far, FFDS (Fuzzy Focusing Depression Syndrome) is the major cause of 80% of divorces among astrophotographers. After leaving her alone inside for hours while you're peacefully out in the dark, she finally spies the photo you've been working on. Instead of pinpoint star images, all she can see is a tray of Krispi Cremes. She quickly realizes how much money you've wasted in gear, and more importantly, how you have sacrificed her for only a bit of 'blur'. The quiet nights come to an abrupt end, and the previous happy marriage is headed for the proverbial rocks.

To prevent FFDS, of course, refer to point # 2 above. The Series IV 'Stiletto' is guaranteed to put your DSLR in perfect focus in only seconds or you get your money back. It's that simple. It really is a small investment to make for the sake of family togetherness. Visit our website today to read about the exact path to marital bliss. And if you're still single, well heed the words above...

Thanks & Clear Skies!
Richard

http://www.astromart.com/classifieds...=676394#photos

Tim

[En1gma (Robert)]

gold!

[spearo (Frank)]

hahahaha
they still forgot to mention to:
"dedicate a picture to the better half once in a while" especially NGC 4038-4039 which looks like a "love heart"

that's like divorce insurance or a "get out of dog house" card free as far as I have seen.

frank

[Baddad (Marty)]

Hi Timms,
Damn priceless. Clever.

Cheers Marty

[multiweb (Marc)]

Very good Tim.

[leon]

Why cant you just be open about your spending where you dont have to run to the shed or make up stories.

Alice knows exactly what i spend, the dealing and wheeling as she calls it, and, she also spends on what she wants.

And it dosn't matter if my Tak set up is more expensice than her Lappy

Leon

[Kevnool (Kev)]

Graet read Tim.
Cheers Kev.

[Liz]

[DavidTrap (David)]

I'm with you Leon,

I've never tried to keep any spending from my wife - she is an intelligent woman who looks after all our finances. Her financial sense is why we're in the position we are, that allows me to spend what I do! She does her bit of spending too.

DT

[Rodstar (Rod)]

Originally Posted by leon

Why cant you just be open about your spending where you dont have to run to the shed or make up stories.

Alice knows exactly what i spend, the dealing and wheeling as she calls it, and, she also spends on what she wants.

And it dosn't matter if my Tak set up is more expensice than her Lappy

Leon

Here, here, Leon!

Surely partners who care about each other will support each other as they each pursue their bliss?!! My wife has ZERO interest in astronomy, but is very happy that I have something that brings me such pleasure.

With spending, it is all about choice. Choosing to buy a premium EP, for example, must necessary involve choosing NOT to buy something else. So long as we take responsibility for these choices, it is all good.

If I took no responsibility with my spending, and bought astronomical goods when I could not afford to do so, and therefore was causing my family to miss out on what they needed, then I would be letting myself down, just as much as letting my family down.

[wavelandscott (Scott)]

While I see the humor of the original post, I do in my actual practice agree with Leon.

I do not buy anything of substance without discussing (and getting agreement) with my spouse nor does she spend without consulting with me. It works for us and keeps the family in shoes and gfood...

[Jen]

Ok but what about the astro chicks we cant pretend an observatory is the shed how am i going to keep him out of the shed UNLESS i pretend its an outdoor laundry Yeah thats it he wont go in there then LMAO

[danielsun]

Originally Posted by Jen

Ok but what about the astro chicks we cant pretend an observatory is the shed how am i going to keep him out of the shed UNLESS i pretend its an outdoor laundry Yeah thats it he wont go in there then LMAO

Outdoor Laundry with a domed roof and scope poking out..... Naaah he'll never notice that. Especially that you do all your laundry at night.

[Jen]

Originally Posted by danielsun

Outdoor Laundry with a domed roof and scope poking out..... Naaah he'll never notice that. Especially that you do all your laundry at night.

[Suzy]

That was funny.
If my other half was that intelligent to carry out such a grand master plan, I would have to commend him. I will praise his efforts. So much so, that I will even send him a lovely letter in the mail telling him so - via someone who has a lot of initials after his name.

Jen, as for the laundry idea, give it a miss and put a granny flat in, and move the mother in law in it. He will never ever willingly go in there. As for the roof top ob. its for your mother off course (she wants to learn the stars), and you have to be there often to teach her.

[Jen]

Originally Posted by Suzy

That was funny.
If my other half was that intelligent to carry out such a grand master plan, I would have to commend him. I will praise his efforts. So much so, that I will even send him a lovely letter in the mail telling him so - via someone who has a lot of initials after his name.

Jen, as for the laundry idea, give it a miss and put a granny flat in, and move the mother in law in it. He will never ever willingly go in there. As for the roof top ob. its for your mother off course (she wants to learn the stars), and you have to be there often to teach her.

LOL Suzy if i put my mother in there it might keep me away from there too hahaha nah she not that bad That could work