A quick funny

DavidU (Dave) · #1 13-10-2009, 01:12 PM

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic
schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husban d's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read :

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2007

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

renormalised (Carl) · #2 13-10-2009, 01:14 PM

Good one, Dave

supernova1965 (Warren) · #3 13-10-2009, 01:15 PM

Good one I remembered it but it was worth reading again thanks

xelasnave · #4 13-10-2009, 01:49 PM

Great laugh thanks for that much appreciated

.
Do you know any more?
You must have maybe one drummer joke

.
alex

Barrykgerdes · #5 13-10-2009, 03:33 PM

Here is one for Alex (fisty cuffs)

I walked into Bunning's Hardware at lunchtime, wandered down the timber aisle and some old fart dressed in a red shirt with a green apron on asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first half dozen punches in and sorted the ******* ou...t. please let all your friends know, in case he tries it again.

Barry

DavidU (Dave) · #6 13-10-2009, 04:12 PM

What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.
What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
What do you call 10 guys in a drum circle?
A dope ring.

AstralTraveller (David) · #7 13-10-2009, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DavidU

What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.

I believe this is a bass player joke masquerading as a drummer joke. The method has certainly always worked for me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DavidU

What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.

I heard this one just recently as a banjo joke.

How do you slow down a banjo player?
Put a music staff in front of him.

How do you bring him to a stop?
Put notes on it.

I heard that recently during an introduction of a really good banjo player. The host told the jokes and the banjo player rated their quality and provided commentary.

What is the definition of perfect pitch?
Tossing a banjo into a dumpster without touching the sides.

What do you call 5 banjos at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A damm good start.

What is the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who owns a banjo but decides not to play it.

And in reply...

What is the difference between a mandolin and a lawn mower?
You can tune a lawn mower.

Why do people pace backwards and forwards while practicing the bagpipes?
It's harder to hit a moving target.

DavidU (Dave) · #8 13-10-2009, 05:40 PM

LOL

Whats the difference between a violin and a trampoline?
You have to take your shoes off when jumping on a trampoline.

stephenb (Stephen) · #9 13-10-2009, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DavidU

LOL

Whats the difference between a violin and a trampoline?
You have to take your shoes off when jumping on a trampoline.

Love that one, thanks David.

xelasnave · #10 13-10-2009, 06:40 PM

Terrific stuff
alex

Lumen Miner (Mitchell) · #11 13-10-2009, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barrykgerdes

Here is one for Alex (fisty cuffs)

I walked into Bunning's Hardware at lunchtime, wandered down the timber aisle and some old fart dressed in a red shirt with a green apron on asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first half dozen punches in and sorted the ******* ou...t. please let all your friends know, in case he tries it again.

Barry

Hey!! That was me!

I think that joke sounds betta if it is an ethnic Bunnings employee, asking if you "Want'sa decking".

Jen · #12 13-10-2009, 07:52 PM

hehehehhe

FredSnerd (Claude) · #13 13-10-2009, 10:06 PM

My daughter told me this joke and she's a musician so I figure its OK to repeat. Whats the difference between a pizza and a musicians. A pizza feeds a family of four.

MrB (Simon) · #14 13-10-2009, 10:30 PM

Good stuff

However, If it was my oldman that asked you at Bunnings if you wanted decking, you'd have run

FredSnerd (Claude) · #15 13-10-2009, 10:44 PM

I actually saw this happen many years ago. There was a minor car prang between an Australian gentleman and an Italian gentleman. After some agitated discussion a cop arrived. Well they both had a say and finally the cop suggested that maybe the italian guy was in the wrong. Well this got him quite upset and finally he shouted at both the cop and other guy, "you think I know bugger nothing but I know bugger all". Well it was quite a job after that trying to convince the italian guy that people wernt laughuing at him but at his unfortunate choice of words.

DavidU (Dave) · #16 13-10-2009, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FredSnerd

I actually saw this happen many years ago. There was a minor car prang between an Australian gentleman and an Italian gentleman. After some agitated discussion a cop arrived. Well they both had a say and finally the cop suggested that maybe the italian guy was in the wrong. Well this got him quite upset and finally he shouted at both the cop and other guy, "you think I know bugger nothing but I know bugger all". Well it was quite a job after that trying to convince the italian guy that people wernt laughuing at him but at his unfortunate choice of words.

I like that !

dpastern (Dave Pastern) · #17 13-10-2009, 11:37 PM

This guy walks into a bar...he notices pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He walks up to the bar and after a while, he says to the bartender "what's all that about?" The bartender explains "well, if you can get the meat down without using your hands, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you try and fail, you have to buy the whole bar a round". The guy thinks about it for a while and the bartender asks him "so, shall you give it a go?" The guy replies:

"nah, the stakes are too high"

Dave

kinetic (Steve) · #18 14-10-2009, 06:29 AM

Cleaned up as best I can for a family oriented forum.
Your imagination can fill in the blanks/ replace words....

An irate bloke walks into a marital aid shop and demands his money back.
" this blow up doll is the wrong one, what do you think I am, a sicko?"

Why, says the bloke behind the counter, " what's wrong with it?"

"well, for one, she's bald, has no boobs whatsoever, and has
a 6 inch dude!"

"Ahhhhh", says the bloke behind the counter," you've got it inside out
mate!"

Jen · #19 14-10-2009, 04:32 PM

lol Steve

Rainingstar (Lorraine) · #20 15-10-2009, 09:05 AM

Alex:Mummy, I want to be a drummer when I grow up.
Mummy: Now Alex you know you can't do both!

Q. Why are orchestra intemissions limited to 20mins.
A. So you don't have to retrain the drummer