Hi Scooter
You will look back on nights like the one you had last night and laugh about it in the future. The frustration makes the end result all worth it.
First thing I will ask is did you have your mount tracking in Sidereal?
Not sure what other people here think but personally I would be getting myself an illuminated reticle eyepiece. I don't think you will get the magnification needed for an accurate drift alignment using your DSLR.
If you did want to use your DSLR I know of people who use a method for polar aligning using theirs by taking an exposure of 40 seconds to start with, this works best with a remote like a Canon TC80N3. Brightish star focussed, hold position for 5 seconds then slew left on slowest slew speed for 15 seconds and then back right for 20 seconds with aim being to get the star trail to go back past your starting point, which is the 5 second exposure of your bright star. Then view your star trails on your camera's LCD. If your alignment is out you will end up with a sideways V. The aim is to get that V to be a flat line and to increase the exposure time to 2 minutes or more with a straight line. All the other principles of polar alignment are needed, lowish star on the equator East or West and a star near the meridian on the equator. If you Google something like "polar alignment with a DSLR" you should find some tutorials on it. If you have no joy pm me and I will get some links for you.
As far as not controlling the mount using Starry Night. Did you have the correct COM port selected? If you are unsure use device manager to find the correct one.
Good luck with it and I hope you are up and running soon, you sound like the bug has caught you too

.
Regards
Wayne