Dave I think I know the look you were going after and I like it.
I like the fact that not the whole phone is in focus, even to suggest a shallower DOF for more impact.
Another suggestion is to go for the 'high key' look where the background is saturated white while the product remains nicely exposed.
I had a very quick go to show you what I mean (hope it's ok with you).
- applying a g.blur layer to the top half of the phone
- boost the background to get rid of the shadows and saturate the white
- you're original font colours and outline were unavoidably changed with this quick edit but can be fixed back to original later.
I'd also stick to a similar coloured font or two toned and avoid the contrasty blue/red combo.
Either way, I like what you've done, it's fun to play around with product shots.
