wife's and spending money

Phil · #1 01-07-2006, 09:10 PM

just would like to no does everyone do what i used to do that was buy astronomy stuff then have to hide it form the wife because of the crap you have to put up with if they found out what you just got . Lucky my wife got rid of me Probably the best thing that happened to me . Now if i would like something i just buy it. GREAT . I'm sure that all wife are not the same all are they .

This is not to get up the wrong side of wife's . But this is what i used to put up with.

EzyStyles (Eric) · #2 01-07-2006, 09:52 PM

The best thing to do in that situation is "compromise". Can't be too selfish as well. Yes it is good to be free do what you want to do, buy what you want but certain people have different piorities in life. I guess all comes down to how rich you are or whether if you can really afford buying additional things. Not directed at you Phil or anything, just my point of view. I don't understand why you are proud that your wife got rid of you? Was that the only reason though ?

My gf thinks i spend all the time to buy astro stuff. But at the sametime she understands that is what i like and also respects my decision. Plus also my piorities in life aren't in astro gears. More to what i need to survive eg: roof over my head, food etc.

xelasnave · #3 01-07-2006, 10:03 PM

Sounds as though it will you cost more this way but when all is considered it does not

...before you execute your next purchase give the wife some cash to spend on herself

..then buy what you want

. everyone is happy that way. If you think about it that is fair after all there are two people involved...
Wish I had of bought a new fridge instead of the 12 inch

... its been 18 months of backpeddling and a very different arrangement today

... so for those of you reading thru here think about it..two down dont be the next

.
alex

xelasnave · #4 01-07-2006, 10:05 PM

and never never say you have 20 pairs of shoes whats wrong with 6 scopes

Phil · #5 01-07-2006, 10:09 PM

My kids came first then the wife and i always did the cooking the washing and house work
and took the kids to there sports and yes that was after caming home form work my kids have got a good roof over there heads and yes i do pay my child suport . The problom was she just did not like anthing i did . We were with each other for 15 years. The word selfish everyone in the house had everyyhing they woulded.But when it came to buying something for my self
you had to watch out.

Phil · #6 01-07-2006, 10:19 PM

I just fill sorry for the kids i and not proud of the brakeup but i did not have a say she just got her frend to sign some papers and then that was it i then sent the next 6 mouths and $11500 JUST TO SEE MY KIDS. I get then this weekend cant wait.

xelasnave · #7 01-07-2006, 10:38 PM

Phil I worked in the family law office at Parramatta for a while (thats where I met my second wife) and I know the pain you must suffer as a result of the breakup... it is always sad and yes it rips the kids apart. Try and keep the Lawyers out of it (that advice is probably too late) you were friends once that plus the fact there are kids involved means you simply have to manage it the best you can for their sake.
Its no good remaining bitter or seeing her as some sort of demon as this will hurt you more... float up and above it all and stop biting on things that upset you and they will go away. Stay cool man it is the only way to break even and you will never get better than that.
Sorry to be so intrusive I just wanted to let you know there is someone who understands how parralizing it can be on one and to offer you some encouragement to get thru it.
best wishes for the coming get together with you and the kids.
alex

Lester · #8 01-07-2006, 10:39 PM

No they are not all the same. But all relationships have their testing times, some get stronger through them, and others get weaker. So long as we learn by our mistakes.

Looks like things are looking up for you now Phil. All the best for the future.

h0ughy (David) · #9 01-07-2006, 10:54 PM

1 wife dollar = 10 real astro dollars. "The truth, you cant handle the truth" - its not good most of the time. But pamper them and give them love, comfort and let the m flake on the lounge then the skies are yours

Striker (Tony) · #10 02-07-2006, 09:20 AM

I'm with Houghy on this...that calculation looks to be fairly accurate Houghy.

Have you been reading my book...lol

What they dont know wont hurt them and me in that case...she can be brutal.

If I told my wife what all my equipment really cost she probably wouldn't even believe me anyway.

If my wife believed my losmandy G11 with gemini Mount cost $250 plus $75 postage how would she believe the real cost...lol

Argonavis (William) · #11 02-07-2006, 11:56 AM

The Astronomers Nightmare

I dream I died and my wife sold all my astro gear for what I told her I paid for it.

Argonavis (William) · #12 02-07-2006, 12:00 PM

Phil

It was ever thus>

http://www.iceinspace.com.au/forum/s...ad.php?t=10094

mick pinner · #13 02-07-2006, 12:17 PM

like most couples with one income we pay our bills etc with what l make during the week, when it comes to astro gear l deciede what l want ( Takahashi FS-102 on it's way), then l arrange some private jobs after hours to pay for it.
no worring about yet another package turning up at the front door.

Dujon · #14 02-07-2006, 12:44 PM

Ruddy 'eck, Phil, that's a sad tale. I can only express my own opinion and that is that you've been a bit selfish. Yes, I know, I don't know your circumstance, but deliberately hiding purchases from your own wife? Sheesh.

I've been married for a bit (probably not as long as others on this site) but my wife and I always discuss purchases outside the normal day to day living expenses. Bloody hell, we are partners not antagonists. I'm sorry if your relationship has (or did) degrade to that extent.

Whatever, all the best for the future.

Wombat_In_Space (Darren) · #15 02-07-2006, 01:03 PM

My solution is to tell the wife the truth, I show her what I want and how much it is in real dollars and then ask if I can have it, so far it is working and best part is I get surprises on birthday, fathers day and Xmas.

The downside is it takes longer to get some things, but I have the rest of my life so time is not a problem. Upside no guilt or hidding things from the wife.

mickoking · #16 02-07-2006, 02:32 PM

I have my wife with me as I write this and I asked her if she has a problem buying Telescopes n stuff and she says.............No

Top stuff

Rodstar (Rod) · #17 03-07-2006, 10:30 PM

It certainly helps if your wife is interested in astronomy, and if there are a few extra pennies floating around unaccounted for.....

My wife has NIL interest in our great sport, fortunately there is the odd bit of spare change lying around now and again, so usually the occasional purchase does not cause too much grief.

I only once made the mistake of not consulting my wife on a major astronomy purchase: $900 worth of eyepieces. Nina found out because of a thread I was subscribed to on this forum: someone emailed some recommendations to me about what would be a good buy, I went out and made a purchase and before having a chance to mention it to Nina, she greeted me at home with words to the effect, "Honey, I am a bit concerned about an email someone sent you.....I hope you are not thinking of buying some eyepieces, we have some other major expenses at the moment....(etc)".

Well, I 'fessed up to the purchase immediately, she was VERY cranky, and we had a very good session with a therapist! All is well as we have now established some clear ground rules for BOTH of us about any major purchases. Fortunately we recognise the benefit, alluded to by several other correspondents, that it is best if both partners can get at least some of what they want most of the time.

jjjnettie (Jeanette) · #18 03-07-2006, 11:28 PM

I must admit that when I bought my last barlow, I didn't tell my husband. Even though the money was my own, I sold some of my craftwork, I knew he wouldn't approve of me spending it on astro gear.
Why shouldn't I want to avoid the grief of an argument over a purchase I had every right to make?

Starkler (Geoff) · #19 03-07-2006, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jjjnettie

Why shouldn't I want to avoid the grief of an argument over a purchase I had every right to make?

That sentence really cuts to the heart of the matter, doesnt it.

I'm glad that I don't have to refer to anyone else for my discretionary spending.

Harpspitfire · #20 03-07-2006, 11:47 PM

i found out 1 thing being married a little over 200 years- you really dont know WHAT you wife spends- they got this 'oh- we had that' down to perfection- LOL