Astronomy Jokes

[PeterM]

Ok after a number of recent Supernova discovery successes for the BOSS team I thought time to lighten up and ask the question - who knows any astronomy jokes? Maybe its been done before, but a bit of humour goes a long way.

Thought I would start the ball rolling with a relevant one to my interests

A galaxy asks the drinks waiter for a drink.
The drinks waiter replies, sorry we don't serve your type.
Why not asks the galaxy?
Well says the drinks waiter, you're barred.

PeterM.

[strongmanmike (Michael)]

Why did the red shifted galaxy tighten its spending?

A: Because it was in recession

What does an astronomer blow with gum?

A: Hubbles

What does John Dobson sit in, in his old age?

A: A rocker box

What do you use to fix a boring astronomy lecture?

A: A comady corrector

What does CCD stand for?

A: Costly Camera Divorse

What do you need if lots of telescopes turn up at a star party?

A: A wide field

Who discovered Uranus?

A: The delivery doctor

[glenc (Glen)]

[multiweb (Marc)]

Got this one in an email.

[Matt Wastell (Matt)]

A young boy walks up to a man at the scope.
"Can I see Uranus?"
The man calmly replies, "Yes, but I'll need a mirror to see mine".

Bad I know!

[mental4astro (Alexander)]

Not so much a joke, but a funny anecdote:

Last year at a UNSW astronomy outreach evening, after the talk a viewing session was planned. So, as we left the lecture theatre, Peter Hickey (hickny here on IIS), & I saw four or five 'professional' astronomers wrestling with a lovely new Meade SCT. I mentioned to Peter "bet we finish up setting up the scope for them".

As we approached these decorated professionals, I called out "how many professional astronomers does it take to set up a scope?". Needless to say I can't repeat here how they responded!

And yes, we did set up the scope for them, & showed them how to use it too, !

Still, they are a clever lot of folk! Hats off to them.

[rally]

There's the old engineers joke reworked.

Two amateur astronomers are talking

Bill asks Ted - "Where did you get that great new Takahashi scope ?"

Ted replies - "Funny you should ask, a very strange thing happened last night as I was walking the dog down at the park.
There was this beautiful woman looking at the stars all set up with her telescope and naturally I approached her.
We started talking about the Universe and everything.
Then all of a sudden she tears off all her clothes and lays down on the ground and says you can have anything you want.
. . . .


Apologies to the ladies - but I am sure it sounds like someone you know !!

[TheDecepticon]

Originally Posted by rally

There's the old engineers joke reworked.

Two amateur astronomers are talking

Bill asks Ted - "Where did you get that great new Takahashi scope ?"

Ted replies - "Funny you should ask, a very strange thing happened last night as I was walking the dog down at the park.
There was this beautiful woman looking at the stars all set up with her telescope and naturally I approached her.
We started talking about the Universe and everything.
Then all of a sudden she tears off all her clothes and lays down on the ground and says you can have anything you want.
. . . .


Apologies to the ladies - but I am sure it sounds like someone you know !!

[Kevnool (Kev)]

A neutron walks into the pub and asks for a beer.

How much is that asks the neutron.

He says for you no charge.

[OICURMT]

Originally Posted by mental4astro

As we approached these decorated professionals, I called out "how many professional astronomers does it take to set up a scope?". Needless to say I can't repeat here how they responded!

And yes, we did set up the scope for them, & showed them how to use it too, !

Priceless...

[blink138 (Pat)]

http://www.iceinspace.com.au/forum/a...1&d=1330068773

heh marc we could rename it his "pork sword" ha ha
very droll i know!
pat

[Baddad (Marty)]

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????

Emailed to me recently

Cheers

[ballaratdragons (Ken)]

Originally Posted by multiweb

Got this one in an email.

Fantastic!

[bloodhound31]

Originally Posted by Baddad

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????

Emailed to me recently

Cheers

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