I discovered this on IIS's Northern hemisphere equivalent site, authored by Maureen Ford of New York state. I thought I would repeat it for southern consumption:
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While research into the causes of this illness is ongoing, medical experts are unanimous in their conclusion that aperture fever is a terminal and incurable disease.
In an attempt to forestall the inevitable, sufferers of this disease have been known to go to extraordinary lengths spending huge sums of money in search of the elusive and ultimately unattainable cure.
The disease causes usually rational people to make irrational and frequently impulsive decisions. The progression of the illness is marked by a slow and steady decline in bank account balances accompanied by an increase in duplicitous behavior ("But Honey , it was on sale!" )
Researchers have found that some short term relief for sufferers is available but the treatment is always expensive and frequently not covered by insurance companies. In some cases, because the relief is so short lived, medical providers and HMO's are questioning its cost effectiveness.
Dr. Seymour Now, a noted researcher who himself suffers from this affliction, feels differently about the issue. "I say *BLEEP* the cost! We're all going to die anyway so why not have as much fun as we can?" Shortly after making this statement at a recent AMA convention, Dr. Now's medical license was revoked for "just plain crazy talk." Unfortunately, the incident had further negative ramifications which led to his wife initiating divorce proceedings stemming from her discovery of a Bimini bank account that the doctor had apparently been using for years to fund a secret double life. Investigators discovered a state of the art observatory rivaling the equipment in many professional observatories.
Dr. Now's lifeless body was found slumped over in the observing cage of his 100,000mm RC telescope with a large smile on his face. "It's such a shame" commented a colleague, Dr. I.M. Green, "We had no idea his illness had progressed so far. I guess that in the end he just realized that all resistance was futile." REST IN PEACE DR. NOW.
Dr. Green went on to say that in lieu of flowers, the family requested monetary donations be made in his memory to the Cure Aperture Fever Foundation c/o Maureen Ford, New Paltz, NY
Aperture Fever: CN Post deserves repeating!
