A good lawyer joke

[xelasnave]

So Benny worked in the city and lived in the suburbs...like others in his street he travelled to work on the train each day as did many of his neighbours..

Benny was becoming slightly concerned that he was experiencing recurring constipation ...then one day it occurred to him that one of his neighbours was a doctor who also worked in the city and often could be found in the same carriage as Benny...so Benny made it his business to get on the train and sit next to his neighbour the doctor..

they already knew each other as they had met at a local meeting called to discuss whether or not dogs should wear pants...So after some discussion on when the next meeting would be held Benny said "Tom" as that was the doctors name..." I have noticed I get constipated rather regularly ( the irony of the word choice was not noticed by either man but the lady behind who was intently eavs dropping let out an un noticed wimper) so could you tell me why this may be happening?"

Tom asked a few questions and determined that Benny was not drinking as much water as considered adequate.

Tom said " Benny I think your intake of water is less than adequate so I recommend that you increase your water consumption by 50% and having done that let me know if you find things are better for you"...

So Benny made a point of drinking more water such that he met Tom's recommendation.

Two weeks later Benny realised that his constipation problems were behind him.

So when he noticed Tom on the station he followed him into the carriage and sat alongside of him.

After some chat about the motion that dogs wear pants was rejected by one vote Benny said "Tom I followed your advice and drinking more water seems to have fixed my issues with constipation".

Tom said "that is wonderful and so often that is the problem and people really need to make sure they drink enough water"...the train arrived at the city stop they bid farewell to each other as Tom was not going direct to his rooms but to first have a hair cut at the barber shop one block away...and so each went off on their seperate ways.

A week later, no four days later, Benny was opening his mail and openned a letter from his doctor neighbour Tom..It read..I am so happy that your constipation problem has left you and now enclose my account.
Have a nice day.
Tom your neighbour doctor.

And with the letter was a bill showing a fee charged of $60-00.

Benny was somewhat taken aback...he felt that for Tom to send him a bill was over the top and he could not stop thinking about the matter.

The following day he noticed another neighbour, waiting for the train to the city, whose name was Ernest.
Benny knew Ernest to be a lawyer who worked in a large law firm only three floors above where Benny worked and strangley Tom was in rooms on the floor between.

So Benny followed Ernest onto the train and sat alongside him...Benny had also met Ernest at the meeting about the issue of dogs wearing pants, in fact Ernest had been the man who had called the meeting in the first place..after some discussion on the ongoing need to have dogs wear pants Benny told Ernest of his chat with Tom about his constipation problems and how Tom had sent him a bill. He then asked Ernest if Tom had the right to do that as to Benny it seemed a little over the top.
Ernest asked various questions to establish all the facts and finally said to Benny. "Tom has the right to bill you if he can establish there was a contract between you both and that may or may not be implied but just let him sue you and make him prove the matter in court..so just ignore his bill and wait for the summons.

Benny was very happy with Ernests comments because the more he thought about it the more he believed that Tom was over the top on sending a bill.

AND so a month went by and no summons arrived so Benny felt Tom must have realised he acted unreasonably in sending Benny a bill for $60-00.

Then two days after that or maybe three days later he noticed Ernest on the station and followed him in and sat alongside him. They talked about the number of dogs now wearing pants in the street and both were happy that residents were putting pants on their dogs without the necessity of being forced to do so because of some new law which may have caused division in the community..both agreed it was the best outcome possible.
Then Ernest asked if Benny had heard any more from Tom either a reminder bill or a summons perhaps...Benny told Ernest that he had received nothing which he felt showed Tom had realised that he have been a bit over the top. They caught the lift together and said goodbye when Benny got off at his floor.

About one week later Benny did not go to work as he had a day off and was planting some flowers in his front yard when the mailman went by..his name was Clarence who was a big supporter of the motion to have dogs wear pants.
Benny said happily " Greetings Clarence what a nice day to be delivering mail" Clarence replied "it certainly is a great day to be delivering mail...and I have a registered letter for you and you need to sign for it"

"Sure" said Benny so he signed and took the letter just as
two well dressed dogs ran by..."Wonderful isnt it said Clarence" .."It certainly is" said Benny...they waved goodbye to each other and Clarence continued down the street.
Benny went immediately to and sat on the love seat he had made as a feature for his front garden..he openned the registered letter and openned the folded paper inside it was from Ernest and read " To my professional fees re our consultation ....$250-00...due 14 days from date hereon.

Benny sat there for the rest of the afternoon staring at the hole he had dug for the flowers fantasizing what he could put in the hole if he dug it larger.

Alex

[mura_gadi (Steve)]

Why don't sharks eat lawyers - professional curtesy

[xelasnave]

This is off the net but I find this very amusing because I had to draw the memorandum of articles and association for a fireworks company ( yes the one we all know and love but I expect it would be restructed by now however I hope it's still going with the life I gave it)..
200 pages of the approach you see in thus joke because there was no precedent I built it from scratch.

One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

[EpickCrom (Joe)]

Originally Posted by xelasnave

So Benny worked in the city and lived in the suburbs...like others in his street he travelled to work on the train each day as did many of his neighbours..

Benny was becoming slightly concerned that he was experiencing recurring constipation ...then one day it occurred to him that one of his neighbours was a doctor who also worked in the city and often could be found in the same carriage as Benny...so Benny made it his business to get on the train and sit next to his neighbour the doctor..

they already knew each other as they had met at a local meeting called to discuss whether or not dogs should wear pants...So after some discussion on when the next meeting would be held Benny said "Tom" as that was the doctors name..." I have noticed I get constipated rather regularly ( the irony of the word choice was not noticed by either man but the lady behind who was intently eavs dropping let out an un noticed wimper) so could you tell me why this may be happening?"

Tom asked a few questions and determined that Benny was not drinking as much water as considered adequate.

Tom said " Benny I think your intake of water is less than adequate so I recommend that you increase your water consumption by 50% and having done that let me know if you find things are better for you"...

So Benny made a point of drinking more water such that he met Tom's recommendation.

Two weeks later Benny realised that his constipation problems were behind him.

So when he noticed Tom on the station he followed him into the carriage and sat alongside of him.

After some chat about the motion that dogs wear pants was rejected by one vote Benny said "Tom I followed your advice and drinking more water seems to have fixed my issues with constipation".

Tom said "that is wonderful and so often that is the problem and people really need to make sure they drink enough water"...the train arrived at the city stop they bid farewell to each other as Tom was not going direct to his rooms but to first have a hair cut at the barber shop one block away...and so each went off on their seperate ways.

A week later, no four days later, Benny was opening his mail and openned a letter from his doctor neighbour Tom..It read..I am so happy that your constipation problem has left you and now enclose my account.
Have a nice day.
Tom your neighbour doctor.

And with the letter was a bill showing a fee charged of $60-00.

Benny was somewhat taken aback...he felt that for Tom to send him a bill was over the top and he could not stop thinking about the matter.

The following day he noticed another neighbour, waiting for the train to the city, whose name was Ernest.
Benny knew Ernest to be a lawyer who worked in a large law firm only three floors above where Benny worked and strangley Tom was in rooms on the floor between.

So Benny followed Ernest onto the train and sat alongside him...Benny had also met Ernest at the meeting about the issue of dogs wearing pants, in fact Ernest had been the man who had called the meeting in the first place..after some discussion on the ongoing need to have dogs wear pants Benny told Ernest of his chat with Tom about his constipation problems and how Tom had sent him a bill. He then asked Ernest if Tom had the right to do that as to Benny it seemed a little over the top.
Ernest asked various questions to establish all the facts and finally said to Benny. "Tom has the right to bill you if he can establish there was a contract between you both and that may or may not be implied but just let him sue you and make him prove the matter in court..so just ignore his bill and wait for the summons.

Benny was very happy with Ernests comments because the more he thought about it the more he believed that Tom was over the top on sending a bill.

AND so a month went by and no summons arrived so Benny felt Tom must have realised he acted unreasonably in sending Benny a bill for $60-00.

Then two days after that or maybe three days later he noticed Ernest on the station and followed him in and sat alongside him. They talked about the number of dogs now wearing pants in the street and both were happy that residents were putting pants on their dogs without the necessity of being forced to do so because of some new law which may have caused division in the community..both agreed it was the best outcome possible.
Then Ernest asked if Benny had heard any more from Tom either a reminder bill or a summons perhaps...Benny told Ernest that he had received nothing which he felt showed Tom had realised that he have been a bit over the top. They caught the lift together and said goodbye when Benny got off at his floor.

About one week later Benny did not go to work as he had a day off and was planting some flowers in his front yard when the mailman went by..his name was Clarence who was a big supporter of the motion to have dogs wear pants.
Benny said happily " Greetings Clarence what a nice day to be delivering mail" Clarence replied "it certainly is a great day to be delivering mail...and I have a registered letter for you and you need to sign for it"

"Sure" said Benny so he signed and took the letter just as
two well dressed dogs ran by..."Wonderful isnt it said Clarence" .."It certainly is" said Benny...they waved goodbye to each other and Clarence continued down the street.
Benny went immediately to and sat on the love seat he had made as a feature for his front garden..he openned the registered letter and openned the folded paper inside it was from Ernest and read " To my professional fees re our consultation ....$250-00...due 14 days from date hereon.

Benny sat there for the rest of the afternoon staring at the hole he had dug for the flowers fantasizing what he could put in the hole if he dug it larger.

Alex

Hello Alex, I enjoyed reading your joke

[xelasnave]

Originally Posted by EpickCrom

Hello Alex, I enjoyed reading your joke

Thank you Joe ...I had hoped that it? would bring in others to contribute but clearly the members here have so much respect for the legal profession that no one can bring themselves to joke about the wonderful people who fill its ranks.

Alex

[Hans Tucker (Hans)]

Originally Posted by mura_gadi

Why don't sharks eat lawyers - professional curtesy