DEFINITIONS FROM THE TARDISIAN COMPENDIUM OF RARE DISEASES.
TAKAPHILIA.
A disorder of the mind that manifests itself in the sufferer in the irrational belief that only one brand of "real" astronomical telescope exists.
TAKAMANIA.
(OR ACUTE TAKAPHILIA.)
This acute form of Takaphilia is an affliction where sufferers have progressed to a stage where their symptoms are characterised by an insatiable desire to own an absurd number of a particular brand of astronomical telescope. This condition can also manifest itself in financial hardship and in extreme cases even bankruptcy.
TAKAPHILES.
People who suffer from Takaphilia.
TAKAPHOBIA.
A condition that people who associate with Takaphiles can suffer from. It is manifest in the sufferer by an irrational fear that Takaphiles may be right!
CELESTROPHILIA.
A condition that has many similarities to Takaphilia but at half the price.
APMOPHILIA AND TECOPHELIA.
Conditions that have many similarities to Takaphilia but at twice the price.
ASTROPHELIA.
A condition that combines many of the symptoms of Takaphelia, Celestrophelia, Apmophelia and Tecophelia. This condition, as with the others, is not gender specific although sufferers are predominantly from the male sex. Fortunately these afflictions are contained within a small demographic whose social interactions are generally confined to an obscure section of the International Web. Defining features of this demographic are more than a little interesting. They are generally nocturnal and exhibit little activity during daylight hours and an unusually large proportion are "strapped for cash."
TREATMENT.
There is no known cure for any of the ailments referred to above however sufferers have been known to gain considerable relief by the application of a hot poultice of common sense applied directly to the head.
FOOTNOTE.
It is interesting that in ancient times TAKA was the name given to the God of the Night Sky and HASHI the name given to the Goddess of the Night Sky. During the first millennium B.C. They were often joined to become a single entity of multiple gender but this Omni God became quite duplicitous in nature as a consequence. By the beginning of the Christian Era the God and Goddess of the Night Sky had faded into history, submerged into the collective subconscious for two thousand years before rising once more to awareness into the minds of man.
