Be Afraid...

[Brian3. (Brian)]

Valentine's Day Revisited.
( Or understanding the male space time dis-continuum. )
It is the evening of February 14th.
The night sky is clear, and to the trained eye "seeing" conditions looked exceptionally good. Our hero, lets call him Percy, could not resist the temptation and with some effort brought his 12 inch Dob from his study and positioned it in the usual place between the clothes line and the fence. Here he could observe most of the night sky.
In the house moved a gathering discontent in the form of Libidus, his wife of some ten years. In fact it was not "some" but exactly ten years to the day that the knot had been tied, and its inevitable constrictions were about to illicit the form of expression from the normally placid woman that would strike fear into the heart of any grid iron blocker.
Our hero meanwhile was lost in space, gazing in wonderment at the heart of Omega Centauri and the haze of thousands of stars resolving themselves at the edge of the globular cluster.
The blow caught him by surprise, and its painful consequences caused an involuntary expression of his discomfort of a character seldom heard in their neighbourhood.
He spun around in time to witness his assailant, none other than Libidus, and her weapon of choice, his Takahashi 102 refractor.
"Mother of God Lib, what the h..l"
Before he could finish the sentence she replied with more venom than a tiger snake. "Amateur astronomer my foot, amateur husband and lover more like it..." To further emphasise her discontent and with a display of athleticism usually confined to hammer throwing competitions Libidus spun violently and released the Tak. Percival's prized optical possession took flight along a parabolic arc, adventuring over the boundary fence and some seconds later converting its new found kinetic energy into highly deforming consequences.
Our hero, bruised and battered, descended into a state of acute emotional trauma. His cosmic journey had come to a violent end, replaced by a new reality. His now numbed mind failed absolutely to understand the simple equation of life that had been manifest:
Energy expressed = marriage x discontent squared.
Einstein had seen it, but concluded that the loss of his favourite achromat when considered relative to the fundamental equation expressed most eloquently before his eyes was in fact a small thing.
It was not until his spouse dismantled his 12 inch Newtonian some years later that he saw the gravity of the situation and concluded that in fact there was a special relativity that had to be considered.
To the present and what has become of our hero. The truth is that most of his nights are now spent indoors, desperately trying to create a living equilibrium. His Dob found a new home and all that is left of his adventure into the cosmos is an EQ6 standing forlornly as a feature amongst the shrubs in the garden bed along "that fence."
This could be the end of the story,
but our hero had discovered an important fact that would soon empower him.
Simple algebra:
XX > XY within the limits of any relationship.
He just had to find a way of making Y > X.

[Octane (Humayun)]

Time for a divorce.

H

[ourkind (Carlos)]

I can't wait for the sequel!

[blink138 (Pat)]

well................ i know i would get twenty years in the sequel!
pat

[Lee]

Originally Posted by octane

time for a divorce.

+1

[Larryp (Laurie)]

One does not destroy a Tak without very serious consequences! Is this a true story?

[Astro_Bot]

Getting married on Valentine's Day so that you combine it with your wedding anniversary? Pure genius!

But I have to agree, assuming the story is basically real .... unless there are kids, it's divorce time.

[Bart]

Great story, although I feel the hint of realism is scary.

[mithrandir (Andrew)]

Originally Posted by Astro_Bot

Getting married on Valentine's Day so that you combine it with your wedding anniversary? Pure genius!

It seemed a good idea for the fiance and me at the time. However 12 years and two children later she got itchy feet. The upgrade model - Heather - understands why I don't celebrate Valentine's Day.

[Astro_Bot]

Originally Posted by mithrandir

It seemed a good idea for the fiance and me at the time. However 12 years and two children later she got itchy feet.

Well, sorry to hear that.

The upgrade model - Heather - understands why I don't celebrate Valentine's Day.

Holy heck, man, even clumsy ol' me wouldn't call a wife/girlfriend an "upgrade model". I hope for your sake she doesn't read IIS!

[White Rabbit]

My wife has a real problem with the whole astro thing as well. It's a fine line you have to tread and if your not sure footed there are crocodiles waiting for you to slip. I'm sometimes thankful for bad weather.

[alistairsam]

Holy $*&^$, that's scary.
for better clarity, was it an achromat or apochromat?? any pics of the damage? that'll need to be framed and kept as a reminder of what happens when you push your luck...

[AG Hybrid (Adrian)]

Wow. Just wow. She threw your Tak 102. Literally threw it? If I had a woman who assaulted me than vandalized my equipment like that instead of acting like a human being. I'd kick her to the curb. If kids are involved. I'll see them on the weekends. Not standing for that ****.

[Ric]

Ouch, that's scary.

[h0ughy (David)]

That’s a good tale, I can add to some of that , though not the broken scope

• Don’t ever organise a Astro Club Meeting on Same night as Wife’s Birthday,

• Don’t go chasing comets on Christmas day

• Don’t image all night on a weeknight and disturb someone’s sleep then have a sickie because your e too tired,

• Don’t purchase a telescope on the same day as your son or daughter is born,

• Don’t fill your garage , shed and other rooms with Astro gear and expect nothing to be said.

• Always be prepared to drop some money on jewellery

[Brian3. (Brian)]

Well I am now in trouble!
I have explained to my wife that it was a story, a warning if you wish to the younger men from a sage. But that cut no iceinspace.
"Even the XX>XY is a reference by way of chromosomes to the elevated station of the female," I offered.
The reply: "Now half the ####### astronomical community in Australia think its me!!!"
Now I know exactly how Percy felt.
Thank God my 115APO has not arrived yet...

[Astro_Bot]

Originally Posted by Brian3.

Simple algebra:
XX > XY within the limits of any relationship.
He just had to find a way of making Y > X.

Ah, grasshopper, but you seek the answer to the wrong question. X and Y are vectors!

The (scalar) dot products of X.X and X.Y may well be such that XX is greater than XY, but the (vector) cross products tell a different story:

In mathematics, the cross product or vector product is a binary operation on two vectors in three-dimensional space. It results in a vector which is perpendicular to both and therefore normal to the plane containing them. It has many applications in mathematics, physics, and engineering.

Now, note that:

the magnitude of the product equals the area of a parallelogram with the vectors for sides;

But, most particularly, also note that:

If the vectors have the same direction ... then their cross product is zero.

So, the product of the X and Y vectors will, whilst being orthogonal to the X-Y plane, have a positive magnitude. But the product of the two X vectors will be zero!

In the real world of 3-Dimensional space, XY > XX, always.

[Saturnine (Jeff)]

A cautionary tale on priorities and obligations in marriages or de-facto partnerships when the other half doesn't appreciate the clear night sky as much as oneself. By the way, what was wrong with her coming outside and spending a peaceful hour or two under the starlight, could be an romantic interlude in itself.
But ouch, not a Tak, definitely grounds for saying " see you later "!

[acropolite (Phil)]

The aggrieved spouse obviously considers the telescope as "the other woman".

Percy, on the other hand, should be caring and considerate enough to spend time with his partner at important times, she is after all a good woman, she must be, she puts up with him....