I know what you mean about the call centre numbnuts Robin.
I should preface this with the fact that I have been in Telecommunications Engineer for 24 years now with an ACA licence.
A while back I lost dial tone on my "Optus" phone line which is simply a Telstra one resold by Optus. It has DSL2 on it as well.
I rang the call centre to report it faulty after I tested it with my Buttinski (phone line test set) and told them that I had battery and DSL codes, as the internet was still working. I had even disconnected everything else off the line while I tested at the first socket to be sure (standard procedure for faults).
When I spoke to "Hello Sir, how may I help youuuuuuuuu" Numbnut, I proceeded to tell them of my experience and of my testing and how the dial tone was gone and they needed to send a tech to the exchange to check the equipment there as I had connectivity, battery, side tone and DSL codes to my house.
What happened then was simply ridiculous. I had to sit on the phone for 15 mins while he "tested" the line from the exchange (step 1 on the scripted list), then when he came back on the phone he proceeded to tell me that I HAD connectivity to my house and the line has tested fine, so I should have dialtone and there is no fault?????
I then explained AGAIN of what I tested (above) and what he should do, to which he asked me to hold, ran another trace and came back on the line to tell me AGAIN that the line checks out fine from the exchange with no breaks in it and that it could see my phone impedence and then he asked me to wait while he rang it????
By this stage I was tapping my foot and muttering expletives under my breath while waiting for this magical phone call to happen out of the ether....needless to say, my test phone did NOT ring!
He came back to me on the mobile and asked me to then: "Remove all other cables, phones or modems from the line so he could test it again"......
I
ALMOST verbally ripped his head off as I explained AGAIN to him that I had ALREADY DONE THIS AND TOLD HIM TWICE ALREADY that I had done this and of my experience etc etc....to which he replied....."Sir, please remove any additional lines or devices from the line, so I can test it again please....." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
I said: "OK, done, do your test" ANOTHER 10 min wait......while he scratched his head because the test PASSED as my cable was fine, the connection was FINE and yet there was NO DIALTONE on the line!!!!
He then came back on the line and told me AGAIN that the line was checking out OK and that there was "no fault to report, so sorry Sirrrrrr, I cannot help you any further."
THAT WAS IT!
I proceeded to tear him a new one, fifteen minutes I gave it to him, cutting him off each time he TRIED to interrupt me with "SIR, please dont yell at me" etc.......
When my rage was spent (after being on the phone for almost an HOUR on the mobile) I told him AGAIN that he needed to book a technician to attend the local exchange and check my circuit as the exchange was where the fault lay.
So, FINALLY he got the point and proceeded to tell me there may be a FIVE day response to this fault.??? And that he needed to know if there would be anyone at home for the NEXT FIVE DAYS to allow a technician to come in and check the socket???? AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
By this stage I had had enough and told him he needs to MARK this call in his call centre system as HIGHLY URGENT and save the recording so it could be used to show others in the company how NOT to handle a customer fault.....PLUS a few other choice words about his competence in the job.
I hung up and did not expect anything further that day as it was about 3pm.
Well, Whaddya know? at 7:30am the next morning, I had dial tone back....
SHOCK HORROR, someone had actually done what I had asked them to do.....
I drove to work and felt quite smug that I had fixed the issue. Later that day, I decided to pop home to have some lunch rather than buy it. When I walked in the front door, the phone was ringing.....
"Hello?"
"Yesssss Hello Sirrrrrrrrr, this is Optus calling about your telephone line fault, I would like to let you know that we will be sending a technician out to the exchange TOMORROW, to look at your fault for you......"
To which I replied: " WHAT????? Are you people on DRUGS or something????"
That stumped her: "I am sorry Sirrrrrrrr, what do you mean?"
I continued " Let me get this straight......You RANG me on my HOME PHONE LINE, which I reported FAULTY yesterday and did not RING yesterday as it was FAULTY yesterday, but still you RANG ME ON IT, after I gave you my MOBILE number to contact me if you need to. THEN, I ANSWERED the HOME PHONE, which previously DIDNT WORK, to which you SPOKE TO ME ON IT to tell me that you were are going to get someone to fix it TOMORROW??????????? What part of the word INCOMPETENT, don't you UNDERSTAND????
"ummm, errr, ummm errrr, so, Sirrrrrrrr.....are you saying that the phone line is now WORKING???"
To which I replied " O.....M.....F......G, (then in a little voice)....Yes. Yes it is....."
She said: "OK then, well I hope you have a nice day and the technician will be at the exchange tomorrow to fix it for you...."
I just stood there, in my kitchen, with my mouth open. No words would form on my lips. They had succeeded in locking up my brain, apart from....."Thank you, you too."
I had to sit down after that.
To put the final nail in my coffin of insanity that I found myself in, they proceeded to ring me AGAIN the next day on my home phone (I went home for lunch again) and ask if it was fixed yet................................ ..
I occasionally go out now, when there is no one around, but most of the time, I simply huddle in the corner with my arms around my legs and my chin on my knees......rocking..........rocking ..........rocking.................. ....................
Cheers
Chris
The Hell it Doesn't 
My Mate Internode :)
......Awesome 
