For cat owners, possible dog owners, Funny

[Marko of Oz (Mark)]

A lot of you have probably read this before but I got a chuckle out of it again.
Enjoy.

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

Also if I am using my computer it does not mean I am neglecting you and you do not have to rub yourself all over me until I give up and leave.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur" niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!!

[GrahamL]

[Jen]

:rofl :

[MrB (Simon)]

Gold

[jjjnettie (Jeanette)]

Very funny.

[Matty P (Matt)]

Had a good laugh.

[Gargoyle_Steve (Steve)]

I've had a copy of this up on the wall at home for some years, but even after all this time it hasn't done any good as neither of my dogs can read (or at least their not admitting that they can).

They CAN tell dinner time to the second without a clock....

They CAN hear a block of chocolate being unwrapped quietly in the kitchen even if they are down in the very corner of the yard....
(Mind you, when you tell them to "shut up, I'm listening to TV" they appear stone deaf)

They CAN smell the pizza delivery guy 4 blocks away - which from my place is pretty much where the Pizza Hut kitchen is anyway....

They CAN taste a tiny little tablet hidden inside a huge bowl of dog meat, even with little splashes of soy sauce or other condiments designed to mask the flavour....
(they can't seem to tell how disgusting things like roadkill, etc, are however)

and finally they CAN definitely figure out geometrical problems, like how to keep moving to best stand in my way if I'm moving AWAY from the kitchen, but can manage to stay completely out fo my line of travel if I'm moving towards it!

-----------------------------------

And if you pair ARE reading this on my computer at home I'll be home first thing in the morning so get off my bed, put my shoes back where you found them, and stop rearranging my pillows, I put them where I want to lie on them!

[Ric]

Very good.

but very true as well.

Cheers

[Glenhuon (Bill)]

They are born con artists everyone, canine and feline.
1. Can smell an unopened block of cheese being taken from the fridge.
2. Have designated me, "Food Person". Get up and go to make my morning cuppa,surrounded by 3 cats and a dog looking expectantly from me to the food bowls. The fact that Jacqui and Kym have already given them breakfast is conveniently forgotten.
3. My computer chair is only being kept warm for whoever gets there first if I leave it.
4. Tripod legs are great for rubbing up against in the dark, especially if I am imaging at the time.
5. The cables for Eq5 mounts are there for cats to play with.
6. Its up to humans to find an unoccupied spot in the bed, having to move over is a great inconvenience.

Still love our furry kids.
Bill

[jjjnettie (Jeanette)]

It's not only small critters who run your life.
If it's within a couple of hours of dinner time and I'm outside in the paddock, my horse, an old campdrafter, will round me up and push me towards the feed shed.
If he sees me on the back verandah, he'll paw at the fence to deliberately get his foot caught in the wire. He'll stand there holding that leg up, look me in the eye as if to say, " Come rescue me before I hurt myself, Oh, and you might as well feed me too."
If I'm not quick enough mixing his feed he chews on the door, slams it shut and on one occasion even locked me in, using his lips to move the slide bolt over. ( pretty dumb of him really, how can I feed him if I'm locked in?)

[Jen]

[duncan]

I own 2 cats, or should i say they own me. But damn i wish i owned 2 dogs!!!
Get my point!!!!!. Nopt to mention 3 birds, Damn i wish i was a carpet snake!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheers,
Duncan

[GeoffW1 (Geoff)]

To be posted very high on the front door, human height

http://www.roflcat.com/images/cats/pencil-neck.jpg