Family loss...I'm sad!

[wavelandscott]

This is a sad post...sorry to bring everyone down but I needed to "vent" my feelings...I apologize for the length and content...I just need to get this all off of my chest.

My youngest brother, Ryan, passed away yesterday morning in his sleep...he was 33 years old.

While no one posting here ever got a chance to know him, he was a very special person to me. In this particular instance I mean special in many different ways.

Ryan suffered from schizophrenia and had suffered since he was in his early teens...additionally he was otherwise mentally quite challenged. While he had very high level verbal communication skills, overall his cognitive abilities were judged to be at about year 3-4 primary school.

In the early stages of his illness, my family struggled greatly as he could easily become quite violent...and did...it was not unusual for the voices in his head to convince him to do (at least try to do) things that no sane person would consider.

After many visits to specialists and other doctors, we were so very fortunate to finally find a medication that helped him...while he was still a bit "obsessive" at times, he was no longer violent. Fortunately, this allowed him to have a reasonable quality of life in his young adult years until his unexpected passing.

I am proud to share with you a few of his accomplishments...he was on state title winning softball, basketball and 10 pin bowling teams.

We are thankful that near my parents the Speciall Olympic organization was very active and this got Ryan the opportunity to taste some success. I was fortunate to be in attendance at a few of his victories in softball and basketball. He sure was proud of his team, as we would all be.

With the help of medication and much family support Ryan was able to have a bit of independance and have his own apartment not far from my parent's farm. With lots of practice and determination he was able to pass the motor vehicle driver test and obtain a car operator license...and by mowing yards and saving his money he was able to finally get a car of his own. Again, you can't imagine how proud he was of this accomplishment.

He often dreamed about coming to visit me here in Australia but because of some of the troubles of his youth he was unable to get a visa...a fact that is still a very sore point with me but that is a different story.

I will be heading back to the US next week for his funeral...

While Ryan was exceptionally limited from his illness, he never let it stop him from accomplishing in his own way great things. He was/is an inspiration to me...whenever I am feeling a bit sorry for myself and the cards that "cruel" fate deals me, I just think about all of the things my "little" brother did without complaint and remember that I don't have it so bad after all.

Mental illness is an often time silent issue suffered by families too scared or ashamed to talk about it...this is too bad as there is help out there (sometimes hard to find) but available...

I miss him...he had a good soul...

[ballaratdragons]

My thoughts are with you Scott.

Go to America and see him off, then remember what an inspiration he was to you.

Don't think of him as gone, think of him as moved to a new address. And hang on to the knowledge that you'll be moving there with him one day (wherever that is).

[astroron]

My thoughts go out to you and your family, Scott. I had a brother who also has a very troubled life, with Polio as a child and because of his very weak leg was unable to keep down a job, even though he was able to build his own Moterbike from scrap and spare parts, he never had any machanical or electrical schooling, but his bike wasa work of art, he used to get stopped by the police just to look at the workmanship.
He passed on at only forty to cancer in 1991,but like you I still miss him.
All the best on your return to the states. Ron

[matt]

Sorry to read that news Scott.

Sympathies to you and your family.

[leon]

Hi Scott
Although i do not know you, or your brother, please accept my coldolance for the passing of your brother.

Leon

[h0ughy]

sorry to hear of your news. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[RB]

Scott, my deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Even though we've never met Ryan, I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

I feel as though we are all family here on the forum and indeed we all share your loss and pain at this moment.

Andrew

[xstream]

Thanks for sharing that in your sad time of loss Scott.
My condolences to you and your family, may he RIP.

Kind regards,
John.

[acropolite]

That's terrible news Scott, my sympathies to you and your family.

[RAJAH235]

My condolences to you & your family over your loss, Scott....L.

[Astroman]

All of the above to you and your family Scott.

[netwolf]

My condolences to you and your family Scott. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.


Kind Regards,
Fahim

[gbeal]

Sorry to hear this Scott, small community we have, and each is special to the other.

[drmorbius]

Sorry to hear that Scott, our thoughts are with you. Have a safe trip and take care...

[Lee]

That is awful news. Condolences to you and the family mate.

[Orion]

I am so sorry to hear that Scott.

What you said touched me deeply.
My brother also had trouble with schizophrenia but is now living by himself and holding down a cleaning job, the medication helped him as well.

My condolences Scott to you and your family.

[Rodstar]

Scott, my thoughts and prayers are also with you and your family at this time. Sounds like Ryan led a very full life and achieved a great deal, which no doubt also is wonderful reflection of the love and care of his family. Safe journey mate...hope to see you back soon at Kulnura.

[seeker372011]

Scott
so sorry to hear of your loss.

from your account Ryan achieved so much and you are right to be proud of him.We share your grief in his untimely passing even though we did not know him personally.
Narayan

[jjjnettie]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
33 is such a young age to pass away.
So sad.

My cousin has schizophrenia and I can fully appreciate the support that you and your family have given your brother. ( my uncle and aunt gave up on David when he was first diagnosed and so our family took him in )

[yagon]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I understand your pain: my older brother has schizophrenia. He was diagnosed about 15 years ago, and is now aged 41. He is still alive, but chooses to live the life of a homeless person, rejecting our efforts to help him. He calls me about once per year, but refuses to leave any contact details for him.

It sounds like you and your family have been able to help him. You should be proud of his achievements. You should also be especially proud of your efforts to help him: it sounds like he has had a good quality of life through your efforts.

It is a very difficult illness to manage for all involved. Each family's circumstance is different. Your comment about families being too scared or ashamed is very true. It is hurtful to discuss such issues.

R

[spacezebra]

My thoughts are with you.

I too have lost a brother, far too early in life. Treasure the memories.

Take care and come home safe.

Petra

[GTB_an_Owl]

Scott

Thankyou for turning to your IIS family for a "HUG".
Our thoughts will be with you and family.
Yet another reminder how we take so much for granted in this life.
Hope you pick a nice star for him to travel to.

geoff

[astro_nutt]

My deepest condolences to you and your family Scott....have a safe trip....
"The world has lost a wonderful person..but heaven has been blessed with an angel."

[[1ponders]]

Terrible news Scott. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

Be well.

[norm]

Scott,

Although we have never spoken, nor met, its heartening to know that you have shared a very personal moment on the IIS forum. There maybe a lot of knowledgeable, opinionated, eccentric members here, but they all share a common bond - goodwill and friendship.

Please accept my condolences to you and your family.

[Gargoyle_Steve]

I am so moved, and so very very sorry Scott to hear your news.
Spend time with your family and rejoice in Ryan's accomplishments in life.

Just after my 18th birthday my father was taken from us in a car accident, in fact we almost lost my mother as well. I was never able to gain closure or really deal with this fact for many years, until a very special friend in my life - from the US actually ;) - said the only thing to me that has ever helped, and I hope it helps you now too. She simply said to me:

"Someone else needed an angel, even more than you needed him"

May Ryan live forever in your memories, and in those of everyone whose lives he touched.

[johnno]

SCOTT,

Like many other Members,We dont know each other,Although I believe we all are Part of a Family here.

I feel so sorry you in your loss,
It is a very sad time.

Please accept our heartfelt Condolences,from Kathy,and Myself.

RYAN

Was lucky,in at least one way.

He had a brother, SCOTT,who quite obviously loved him.

Take Care Mate.

RIP,RYAN

Warm regards.
John

[iceman]

Sorry to hear it Scott. It means a lot that you choose to share your grief with your online friends.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[danielsun]

I am very very sorry to hear this bad news. My deepest sympathies to you and yor family Scott.
My thoughts are with you in this very tough time.

Regards Daniel.

[Dennis]

Dear Scott,

Each of us, it seems, has a path to walk in life. How long for, and in which direction, often appears quite solid and certain. Accidents, illnesses, and other circumstances sometimes cut short this journey, so it is wise to live each day, in love, as if the moment is all we can ever hold and know.

You have loved, and lived your life, with suffering close by, watching your brother and family overcome enormous challenges. The love and strength of your family seems to have enriched you all, despite the suffering you have so clearly faced.

Your love for your family is clearly woven into your words here, and I truly wish you and your family, the healing and comfort you so richly deserve, in the knowledge that your brother’s suffering is now over. May his soul rest in peace.

God bless you, our thoughts are with you.

Dennis & Narelle

[wavelandscott]

All,

Many Many Thanks for your heartfelt thoughts and prayers!

I can say without reservation that I am overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness and support... This is truly a "community" and I greatly value it.

My intent with my original post was simply to help me express in an outward way (at least try) some of what I was feeling on the inside. I was not prepared for the response...

I have been touched deeply by many of the messages in this post and surprised by how many other members have shared some of their own similar experiences and losses.

Words can not express how you all have helped me cope with my grief and how much it means to me.

Most Sincerely,

Scott

[middy]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Condolences to you and your family.

[Dujon]

Hello, Scott.

I was saddened to read your post.

Life can be cruel, in many ways. I have lost a father and a brother over the years. My father was 59 years old and my youngest brother just 7 days. My brother I never met, my father I still miss - he died in 1977.

It appears that you had a deep affection for your brother, in which case you too will miss him but never forget him.

Your plight brought to mind the following - if you are not familiar with the piece and have the chance then take the time to read the whole poem (the text is readily available on the Internet). It's a little morbid in that it dwells upon our mortality but at times it can be somewhat comforting.

Please accept my sincerest best wishes. My thoughts go with you.


John



From Gray's "Elegy Written in a Country Church-yard"


The Epitaph

Here rests his head upon the lap of Earth
A youth to Fortune and to Fame unknown.
Fair Science frowned not on his humble birth,
And Melacholy marked him for her own.

Large was his bounty, and his soul sincere,
Heaven did a recompense as largely send:
He gave to Misery all he had, a tear,
He gained from Heaven ('twas all he wish'd) a friend.

No farther seek his merits to disclose,
Or draw his frailties from their dread abode
(There they alike in trembling hope repose),
The bosom of his Father and his God.

By Thomas Gray (1716-71).

[ving]

sorry to hear of your loss scott. my sympathies to you and your family.

[venus]

My deepest condolences to you and your family.
When I read your post on the weekend I couldn't bring myself to post, too many memories of my own I'm afraid. I wish you all the best in the future and I like the idea of the 'star' for loved ones, makes one feel how 'special' the 'stars' really are........

[cahullian]

My family and I are sorry to hear about your loss Scott. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time of loss. Ryan sounds like he was a real Champion and a life so richly lived should be rejoyced, not his passing mourned.

Gazz/Irish

Ron and family

[CosMos]

Sorry to hear of your loss Scott. I too have experienced loss so can comprehend something of what you are going through. You and your family showed great love and courage to accept your brother Ryan for who he was. Unfortunately, many families feel shame and fear when a family member has a mental illness, not against their loved one but against the ignorance and judgements of society.

It is the family that often takes on the role of protector, nurturer and caregiver with very little understanding or experience other than pure love and devotion. Ryan was and still is an inspiration to yourself, your family is also an inspiration to others. By coming on to this forum and sharing your struggle and grief, hopefully others will be inspired to reach out and receive help.

I work for a place called Supporting Families in Mental Illness that supports family members with a listening ear, advocacy, a voice, information and skills. We used to be called the Schizophrenia Fellowship though our focus is now on the family itself and covers all the major mental illnesses. I mention this because other families here in NZ may be in a similar situation and may be able to reach out.

Anyway Scott, thank you for sharing a little of the bright star that is your brother Ryan. May he rest in peace and may you and your family find peace in time.

Richard "CosMos" Moss :thanks:

[jmb]

Hi Scott
I was very moved by the response to your sad news...
Your brother was fortunate to experience a loving family, and I am sure your loss can only be measured by the amount of love you showed him.
Seems to me Ryan was special...he managed to bring complete strangers together, to offer friendship and support!!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.
regards
JAnine

[Striker]

My thoughts are with you too.
I have some experience I wished I never had of loosing my younger brother of mine at the age of 21 years old not something I wish on anyone.....

All I can say is things do get better.

[TidaLpHasE]

Hello Scott, i am sorry to hear of your sad time.

Time will ease the pain you are feeling, and you can always hold the memories, good and bad, with you wherever you are.

I still talk to my dad, tell him i miss him, wish he was here.
The memories keep me going and always point me in the positive direction of the good times we had.

Keep ya chin up.

[gaa_ian]

My deepest sympathies to you Scott & your family.
I pray that you have a safe journey to the USA & that you are able to share with your family, Ryan's achivements in his short time on this earth.

[Octane]

Scott,

Such terrible news.

My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

It was heartwarming to read of his accomplishments, and your pride in those accomplishments.

God bless.

Regards,
Humayun

[matt]

I like that, Ken:thumbsup:

[Muddy Diver]

My deepest sympathy Scott, he sounds like a great person.

Just recently I lost a cousin whom i remember mainly as a playmate as young boys. We used to see each other only when our fathers got the family units together which wasn't often as we were geographically seperated, and now with me living in oz and all of the family back in UK I havent seen him for four years at least. He had coped with manic depression since his late teens and four weeks ago jumped off a railway bridge to end it all. He was succesful... well after a few hours in hospital where, thankfully, my uncle and aunt were able to be with him when he passed.

Mental illness is a huge problem for the human race and is still not properly understood. Nevertheless, it sounds like you and your family were as much an inspiration to your brother as he was to you and he would have loved you for the support which is apparent just from reading your thread.

Good luck Scott.

[wavelandscott]

All,

Let me again express my sincere thanks for all of the community support and sharing of simlar experiences I have received since my original post.

I just safely returned "home" this morning to Australia from my Brother's funeral.

Do know that your thoughts/prayers/comments, have helped me through this time of loss.

My heartfelt thanks go out to you all...

Very Best Regrds,

Scott

[Dennis]

Welcome back Scott; glad you made it home and “home”, safe and sound, especially in these turbulent times of international travel.

Cheers

Dennis

[matt]

Welcome back Scott.

I'm glad you got to farewell your brother. It must feel good to know you were there ... and that you did what any good brother would be expected to do.:thumbsup:

We've kept your seat at the IIS table.

Welcome home.

[RB]

My thoughts exactly.

I'm glad you're home safely Scott.

[johnno]

Hi Scott,

Welcome back,

Take Care.
Regards.John