High End Aspergers

[astronobob (Bob)]

Hi Astro-liano's

Aspergers eh, who'd of thunk, maybe some ?

Well, I guess some of you who have known me over the yrs may have thought that I can be a bit weird, even difficult at times, and noticed I am not very sociable through-out the forum,,

Some have known me for near a couple of decades and I admit I can be, backward, a bit out-of-line, etc.
I do try and be polite, how-ever, I do lack in social skills, etc. That said, I never really ment to be this way, it is just I did not and still don't know how to respond as near as good as all of you do to one another.
I am sorry for any uncomfortablness I may have cause, directly or indirectly.

A lot of me does not bode well with all people, here or in general, tho I seldom if at all create enemies, but I feel I just dont get along as well as many others do, that is fine, but as I have just recently realised some of the traites of high end adult aspergers, which I have just recently been diagnosed with, it has opened my eyes to why I have found so many things in life quite difficult.

On top of that, I had a hard up-bringing of rejection, being punished for what I thought was right. honestly I was not a trouble maker, but I was difficult for my family to understand, unfortunately I was often called a lot of degrading names and so forth, , and I was eventually thrown out of home at age 14, but I was working part-time and started full-time, concreting to support myself.
On the note of 'family' I have found out recently that my dad has died 6 months ago, but I only found out 3 months ago from my daughter who stumbled accross one of her cousins 'on my family side' socail media account ! Pretty sad huh.
None of my two brothers or two sisters wanted to tell me, in fact have not had much contact with any of them for many decades, but I do know some of them have & know my Ph and my social media contact but ?


Aspergers was not a known condition back then, so I kind-of forgive them ? Recent studies are showing that more people around my age are being diagnosed with it. I and them have been managing life the best we can over the decades, but our condition becomes worse due to not being understood most if not all our lives, condition being recognised and/or treated.

I have been reading a lot about this condition, but it does not make it easier, it actually feels like I was made to be rejected,,, quite disturbing in reality and in my mind, because people with high-end aspergers, do not recognise social cues, do not recognise general emotions and dont flow well with in conversation & general chit-chat. . We often feel left out, and we see people engaging nicely with each other but we dont really 'get it' and feel we don't deserve to recieve the same !
Easy to say when one has an idea, but when one just does not recognise it, it is very frustrating..

Anyway, I could go on all day, but my bottom line is, that I do and have appreaciated those here who have accepted me and I apoliguise to those if I come accross as 'distant' it was never intensional - just don't know how to connect properly.

Thnx for being there IISpacer's

Bob

[JA]

Hi Bob,

Just to let you know, I have never felt any negative vibe or sensed any lack of empathy from you in discussions or comments I've seen. It's all good bro

All the very Best
JA

[Cosmic (Daniel)]

I think at times the sound of our own wheels can drive us crazy. Chill and enjoy life best you can We are all different in may ways, I hear you mate. I also just lost my old man (63yrs) very sad. Just makes you realize, make most of life and don't stress the small stuff.

Take care legend!
Dan.

[Outcast (Carlton)]

I initially responded to your post Bob in the mistaken belief that it was another Bob, whom I've met... hmmm, a smidge awkward... so I removed it...

However, the sentiment remains... can't say any of your posts have come across in an uncomfortable/awkward or otherwise manner...

We're all a bit odd in our own unique & special way... & I think in general, folk are way to judgemental & look for offence...

Whilst I don't know you, I'd say don't let it define you, is what it is, can't go back, can only move forward...

Best wishes to you, onwards & upwards...

[astronobob (Bob)]

Appreaciate the feedback JA, Daniel & Carlton.

JA, kind & re-assuring words, thank you..

Daniel, sorry to hear of your dads passing, I assume an emotional experience,,, ! I say that because I've learnt one major Aspergers trait is not having much of a emotional connection with people, I mean, with my dad anyway, or other family, its just the way we 'Aspies' are, I never felt much when I found out. Later that day, I was watching the sun set, some colour about and as it faded, I just thought and said 'good bye' that was it... weird I guess but weirder is that not feeling much kind of haunts me ?

Carlton; Cheers and no-worries mate. yes, dont let it define me, a bit tricky and a challange to stay on top of it when it feels like demon possession at times, but yes, trying to move forward - a nicely time reminder, Thanx .

[casstony]

I dare say you're in good company here Bob, with more than a few IIS'ers being on the spectrum.
Fortunately these days kids on the Autistic Spectrum get a lot of help in understanding how they and others perceive the world.

[Camelopardalis (Dunk)]

Bob, just be yourself and be comfortable with that, don’t let anything or anyone define you

Back where I come from they have a saying for times like these... “you can choose your friends, but not your family”

[Sunfish (Ray)]

Hi Bob. That is some bad luck. That is all it comes down to really.

Surprising how many people are only diagnosed with neurological conditions when their children are diagnosed. Where their brothers and sisters are not surprised but parents just did not know.

Good luck from now on.

[astroron (Ron)]

Hi Bob,when I met you we got along just fine,enjoyed your brief stay here at Cambroon
We had a bit of a disagreement a while ago which at the time I didn't understand why?,Now I know.
Keep on looking up and taking your great landscape photo's which I like immensely.
Ya never know we may catch up again sometime and have a cuppa or two.
All the best Mate.
Cheers

[Nikolas (Nik)]

As a teacher Aspergers is on the higher functioning end of what is now referred to as Autism spectrum disorder although I find the term disorder, especially kids with aspergers, especially on the high end of the spectrum a little wrong. Each person is unique and not everyone is the same we all miss social cues here and there and I find some kids that are not aspy worse then some kids who are. Embrace who you are Bob, sometimes our social norms are wrong. some of our greatest minds exhibit these traits.

[astronobob (Bob)]

Appreaciate the acceptance gentlemen.

Tony: Thnx, and yes, I believe many peeps with Aspergers have good math, science skills etc, quite smart in many ways and generaly well above average IQ's and good with technical things, prob why we find some others here ? .......... Hi Fellow Aspies )
Diognosing young ones these days is a very good thing, and a lot of help out there for them, , , tho for older ones not so much, but finding out later in life has benefits too, foremost is having decades of Life experience, when I found out, it was like a huge weight was lifted off,, a lot of thngs just clicked into place..

Dunk: Very true, I am relearning to be positive, and currently comfortable with it moving forward.
And 'sayings' the one you mentioned, and many others have a more actual meaning to them now, surprisingly because I always thought they were just words that did not mean much, speshly ones with freinds and family etc in them, Lol. But oh how such sayings are opening my eyes.
Cheers ..

Ray: Thnx, yeah, there is a lot going on behind the scenes that the older generation don't know, , I've read a lot about young ones these days with conditions and there are many many tools for family & parents to use, and some kids have turned from being a complete mess, to excelling at school far above their peers. dam awesome eh..

Ron: O'l mate, great to hear from you after all this time, often think how you are going out there at Cambroon, I remember that time very well, it was a good night..
Yeah, I didn't know what happenned a while ago, thought it was just one of those things' and believe me, I get that often and never really knew why ?
Anyway, its one main reason why I put this thread up, in hope some good people like yourself find it !
Great to hear from you champ and Ill keep that cuppa idea going, could do with a drive out of the burbs..

[astronobob (Bob)]

Thnx Nik, interesting stuff, and hmm 'disorder' - I agree,, maybe 'higher functioning spectrum' just leave the word disorder out if it
Missing social cues, yup, thats left me in some weird situations, funny now looking back, fair dinkum, what was I thinking, oh yeah, I remember, was thinking how fast the atoms in the wall were vibrating
Honestly, you'd be surprised, I remeber once in a small group and were picking out animal shapes in the clouds, Can you see the donkey, oh yeah, I see it too; me is like, where I cant, anyway they started to explain and my mind just wondered off, for a bit, and then I hear, soo, bob, what do you think, & I said, well, I reckon that cloud would fill about 5 & a half 20,000 L water-tanks

Oh yeah, Albert Einstien apparently had high-end aspergers, & world famous painting artist Van Gogh I believe ..

Originally Posted by Nikolas

As a teacher Aspergers is on the higher functioning end of what is now referred to as Autism spectrum disorder although I find the term disorder, especially kids with aspergers, especially on the high end of the spectrum a little wrong. Each person is unique and not everyone is the same we all miss social cues here and there and I find some kids that are not aspy worse then some kids who are. Embrace who you are Bob, sometimes our social norms are wrong. some of our greatest minds exhibit these traits.

[bojan]

For some reason I was sort of characterized as "a bit on spectrum" by a person we recently met (she expressed the opinion while chatting to my wife, who told me about that later). I have no idea why.. maybe because she had someone in family with official diagnosis so she was trained to notice little things in behavior that may indicate the condition?

Well, as a kid I was always "on my own" sort, interested in things no-one else was considering worth paying attention to (exception was one of my teachers in primary school, she though I was a "nerd" (that term did not exist then and there 60y ago, but there was a local equivalent expression in use with exactly the same meaning).

I was playing a "lone wolf" role deliberately sometimes because I thought I would be "cool" and right person(s) will notice me as such :-),

I was also bullied by some kids, but I don't think that left a lot of consequences.. others were also bullied for whatever reason (or no reason, just for fun).. Once I had enough, things become physical, I "won" the scuffle and the bulling stopped.

So I took those spectral remarks about me with chuckle..

But this just reinforced my already formed opinion that it seems the society nowadays is "trained" to detect and perhaps (over)amplify any differences between people.. for better or for worse.


We are all just different, that's how things are :-)

[FlashDrive (Poppy)]

It has taken courage to come out and tell us Bob

Very humble of you and thank you for your story.

Yes, we all have different traits to cope with in life.

My problem with myself ( and others have said this also ), I am to much of a perfectionist and very hard on myself....things have to be just right for me or I can get very frustrated, but I'm learning to let go of things.

The older I get, the less I care anymore ... all that negative emotion drains me and I usually end up so ' wound up ' it's not good for my ' ticker '

All the Best Bob.

Col.

[PCH (Paul)]

Originally Posted by FlashDrive

It has taken courage to come out and tell us Bob

Very humble of you and thank you for your story.

Yes, we all have different traits to cope with in life.

My problem with myself ( and others have said this also ), I am to much of a perfectionist and very hard on myself....things have to be just right for me or I can get very frustrated, but I'm learning to let go of things.

The older I get, the less I care anymore ... all that negative emotion drains me and I usually end up so ' wound up ' it's not good for my ' ticker '

All the Best Bob.

Col.

Lol, - “ to much of a perfectionist “ - is that a Freudian slip?

[ngcles]

Hi Bob,

I read your post with considerable interest because I too, last year, at a relatively advanced age, came to be diagnosed with "high-functioning Asperger's". I was 56 when diagnosed and I suspect you and I are of at least similar-ish age.

For me, it was a relief and a release. The diagnosis came after I watched an episode of "Australian Story" that involved former Deputy Prime Minister, Tim Fisher. His sons are both fairly obviously autistic but it was their diagnosis that opened up Tim's diagnosis -- after he had left politics. I sat and watched Tim Fischer speaking about it and how it made him feel, think, act and react and I just sat slack-jawed thinking over and over again "me-too!"

I contacted by psychologist (who I have been seeing over other issues for a number of years). He pointed me in the direction of a couple of on-line tests (I did both) which showed a quite strong positive. Following a 2 hour dedicated appointment, he diagnosed me -- and confided in me that he had suspected it for at least the previous four years but was reluctant to suggest it.

For as long as I can remember, I have felt a bit "different" and out of step in so many situations. Somewhat uncoordinated, awkward, rarely felt comfortable in social situations (not nervous but feeling this was all pointless or baffling), frequently preferred my own company etc etc. I do however have an exceptionally strong memory and an IQ in the high 130's. I also have Synesthesia -- which is a strong indicator of Asperger's (a lot of people with Asperger's also have Synesthesia. I wasn't aware it was an indicator until after my diagnosis, but I was aware of my synesthesia for over 15 years (my daughter has synesthesia as well). I have nearly none of the other more classical symptoms of strongly autistic people (rocking, hand movement, tantrums etc). As a kid I was very well behaved, loved systems and structure but was inclined to be very "day-dreamy" -- I spent much time looking out of the window in class lost in my own imaginings. At one point I was investigated for the purpose of detecting a learning difficulty). Also very poor with "the opposite-sex". Under-performer in primary School, high school was the complete opposite as was tertiary education where I was a high performer.

Some talk about it as being a "super-power" (Greta Thunberg claims it is her super-power) -- it isn't, but it does make you "different". "Wrong planet" -- or so they say. Not better, not "disabled" or worse, but we do look at and react to the world in a decidedly non-standard way and simply function differently.

I am no Sheldon Cooper clone, but let me tell you for many years prior to diagnosis, I would watch that show and often think to myself I "get that" -- meaning the way he feels, acts and reacts -- strongly empathetic, but didn't understand why. Now I know.

I wish you all the best with it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia

Best,

L.

[astronobob (Bob)]

Pretty cool feedback there guys, ,

Bojan: Thanx for time and words, & I feel your situations when a youngster, I was quite a loner aswell, & as a teenager I adopted the attidude of ' I walk alone' in a good way, the solo-man, for two reasons, 1) seemed cool and felt strong because I did'nt need a buddy buddy to hold my hand sort thing, might sound negitive these day but was what it was.
2) I didnt much trust anyone, mainly due to being rejected by family, if they didnt support, encourage and loved me, who else would ?
I did not get picked on tho, so that would have difficult for you, glad to hear your stood up, good onya champ !
Edit: One saying back in those days, speshly on the streets was: Never pick a fight, but never back down from one either !

Yes we are all different, and that is all good, I look at it as, that whats helps the world turn, cant imagine a world if we were all the same, just some of us are slightly further away from the 'norm range !
Cheers for your reply Bojan, cool-as-ice mate.
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Cheers Col,,

Can relate to your caper as well, am quite good at a lot of things, hands on stuff mainly, have to be near perfect for me to eccept it, never was one for a 'half-hearted job' why I have real good work references. but have also learnt to 'let go a bit because of what you mentioned, being too hard on one-self, yep, peeps used to say: wow, how good it that, you should do that as a profession, and I 'd say, Nah see these little imperfections and point them out, haha, but 'too hard on my self is exactly what thay'd say, Hmmph, what-ever, Lol.

Yeah, wer'e not getting any younger mate, take care and thanx for sharing Col..

[astronobob (Bob)]

Hi ngcles, L.

Thnx for sharing your interesting post, realising similarities with Tim Fisher, I'm not real familair with him or many other polly's for that matter, tho can relate your realisations when others who a have mentioned their quirks etc, hmmm, can relate to that, but it never got my attension to think about it much, tho since being diognosed, some experiences are flashing back and great to eventually realise. that said I still find it rather difficult to let it soak in,, not sure if I have to, but good to atleast know I'm not the only one with weird thought tendencies, helps the sanity side of things..
Our ages are close, I still 56 until early next year, was diagnosed only 3 weeks ago now.

Hmmm, never heard of Synesthesia, Quite sure I don't have any of that, tho interesting and brings to mind of those with a 'photgraphic memory' prob similarlarly related in some ways ?

Glad to hear your education turned for the better - mine was opposite, missed 'ducks' by 2% at end of primary before highschool, and highschool just went down hill very fast, everything was going bad at home etc, done 2 months of yr 9 and I dropped out in march at age 14, because the Italians could put me on the books full-time at that age. Was part time after school and saturdays for 9 months prior & became a foreman at age 18, had three other under me, older as well. never been backto education since, just like working hands on, jack of all trades - profession at none !
Always wanted to get into science, and techy things, but yeah, all went wrong. Does not bother me much, but sometimes wonder where I could have ended up ?

Thnx for your insight, experience etc,
All the best

[astronobob (Bob)]

Howdy Astro-lianos'
Thought to post an update on this, and wow, started this thread just shy 2 yrs ago,,

Well, things are going much better these days, I used to be quite stressed, frustrated etc 'on the inside' weird thing is that I never even realized it, thought it was normal, how else would I know,,,, its a thing I could not focused on and could not understand the state of my and others emotions and/or thoughts to the most extent...

Since being diagnosed how ever, I have learnt a whole bunch,,I can now clearly see that the world 'people' is/are not against me,, ! Understanding my condition has been a priority for the last two yrs, and have dedicated a fair bit of time learning, identifying my traits, thoughts, and yes even controlling my 'more vivid' emotions, something I never really thought about untill now,, Ive still lots to learn and I am feeling a lot more positive about my future.

Also, approx 18 months ago, my Clinical Psychiatrist did a full assessment with me through the DSM5, and my result,, I'm a Level 2 on the Spectrum, wow, that was a bit of a hit actually, thought I'd only be a 1, but clearly a 2, maybe a low 2. Level 3 is when a person is to some extent Non-Verbal, some can manage words, & others 'worse' can only manage grunting sounds etc,,

Anyway, I was qualified to apply for the NDIS, so I did apply and was excepted, whoot, and have been seeing a qualified psychologist every week and we have been getting stuck into it, have home work every week which I'm totally thrilled about.
I am learning I have 'Rights', and I can have an Opinion and I can Set Boundaries, I am learning about Automatic thoughts, Learning to assess situations by means of evaluating the facts, considering opinions and beliefs of others etc ect,, It's all pretty Cool actually,, am feeling there is 'Life to live' now,, a life to learn with out the feeling of lacking, being stuck in a world of my own delusion and above all, developing a sence of self worth, that said, I realise I am still me, but I have learnt that I am ok, I still have a lot to learn though not putting any pressure on myself, all is good.
There is so much going on with people that I never knew about, phenominal amounts, one might call it the Grey parts of life, wow, I'm learning things I never knew existed,,.

Anyway, I should keep it somewhat short,,,

I have been blessed, or been very fortunated to have learnt about my condition.

Everything is going be all right

[Andy01 (Andy)]

Hey Bob,
Glad to hear you're doing well.

As a parent of two sons on the spectrum, one Aspie and one Aspie/ADHD, I can easily identify with your situation. We often think we live with three little Sheldons! In many cases, aspies inherit their gifts from their fathers, so it's likely I'm somewhere there on the spectrum with you.

That said, our eldest son's early diagnosis as a four y/o was the catalyst for my wife to now study psychology, as she had zillions of appointments with our kids for early intervention, psych, speech therapists etc., and now as a scout leader, she has the rare gift of understanding quirky kids at camps etc. She's often referred to as "The Autism Whisperer".
Although not without his challenges on the journey, our eldest son is doing well, about to graduate high school & likely to study engineering & robotics.

As such, I too, can now easily tell if a client in our photo studio is an Aspie - signs such as lack of eye contact, infatuation with a unique special interest (like astronomy ha ha!), strong opinions about the rightness of minutia, general awkwardness and misreading of social cues etc. None of these things are bad though, just different. The well-known author Kathy Lette has a son on the spectrum - she refers to Aspies as "the Garlic in the Salad of Life".

I understand that Aspies are warmly welcomed for jobs in Silicon Valley, and in many other vocations where hyperfocus and attention to detail is an asset.

So yes, celebrate these differences; life would be pretty dull without them!

CS
Andy