Welcome as well.
At first read I assumed you were wondering about the point to place focuser from a focus point of view, but I now think you are concerned with coma.
The way I see it, as long as the image is in focus then the focuser is correctly located.
BUT, and that's a BIG but. The focuser must be square to the tube, and the secondary directly (bearing in mind any offset you are looking to use) directly underneath the focuser.
In your post you have tried a few collimation exercises, so most of this will be old hat.
To me it sounds seriously like mis-collimation though. Given your location, is there any one locally that can help? Like Merlin said, let us know what you work out.
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