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Old upholsteres never die ... they just keep on recovering!
A guy walks into a bar with a black eye. His friend asks how he got it. Well! He says, you know I go to Mass at the pro-Cathedral every Sunday. Last Sunday I sat behind Mrs Murphy. Being a lovely sunny day, she was wearing a lovely floral print dress. As I was admiring how the dress fit her womanly figure I noticed that when she knelt down for the consecration the dress was caught in the crease of her bottom. Knowing how uncomfortable that looked I bent over the seat and tugged the hem of the dress to release it from the crack and 'POW' Hence the black eye. The following week he meets up with his friend in the bar. The black eye has turned yellow and starting to fade but the other eye is black and blue. His friend asks how it happened. Well! Says he, you know every Sunday, Mass, pro-Cathedral... I happened to sit behind Mrs Murphy again, lovely floral dress. At the consecration I noticed when she knelt down the dress was caught up the crack again but before you could say 'pray for us ...' the guy beside me bent over and tugged in the hem of her dress to release it. Now I know that Mrs Murphy doesn't like that so I was pushing it back into the crack...
A guy staggers into a bar and eventually seats himself on a barstool. Holding on for balance, he slurs, "Hey bartender, gimmee a beer." The bartender looks him in the eye and says, I think you've had enough. Go home and sleep it off. The guy gets up and staggers out without an argument. About 20 minutes later, he's back, this time at the side entrance, staggering his way back to the bar. Getting his bearings, he slurs a request for a beer. The bartender, a little annoyed, reminds the drunk that he needed to go home and sleep it off. Again, no argument as he staggers out. About 20 minutes later, the bartender hears a terrible racket in the kitchen. Soon, the same drunk winds his way to the service station at the back of the bar and again asks for a beer. By this time, the bartender's patience is gone. He threatens to call the police if the man doesn't immediately leave his establishment and go home and sleep it off. Again, without argument, the drunk promises to leave, but wants to ask just one question of the bartender before he leaves. "How many bars do you work in, anyhow???
A giraffe walks into a bar and says: "The highballs are on me!"
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