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Once, I was using a doorknob, and it fell off its fitting right onto my ingrown toenail.
I almost died.
I contacted my local MP, who are now looking into it. There will be a royal commision looking into this matter, after a round of environmental studies and public consultations, and studies looking into the studies, not to forget the impact statement on the possible injuries to the victim, costing $ 8 billion and taking 10 years to complete.
Doorknobs, like green laser pointers are now classified as weapons of mass destruction and hence will be banned. Consequently, anyone found owning a doorknob(s) will now be locked up for 20 years with various murders and rapists in a makeshift hotel suite with no chance of parole.
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