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Heh, sounds like we've all got a bundle of experience in this matter.
Best way of evening the odds (or so we think)... is to encourage her/them/wifeys/gfs/better-halves to go out and have a girls night every now and then.
Because they NEVER... I mean NEVER arrive home when they say they do... thats if they even give you an ETAHome.
2nd part is they can't hold their liquor, so you're bound to be looking after them that night and the next day.
Those brownies... oh are they so bitterly sweet for years to come.
Theres nothing like "Remember the time I had to hold your hair back all night while you were in prayer to the porcelain god?" to put them back into place.
Or... there is always the reverse-guilt card.
When you do finally get home... make sure its around 8am the next day... they'll be up doing chores already and already in a FUMING mood.
When you walk in make sure you look like you've been mugged, raped, beaten with a fire hydrant, had a dog piss on you because you look like a fire hydrant, blood smears, shirt torn and wallet missing.
And usually these steps follow:
She's pissed off, fuming and about to boil over when she hears you open the front door.
You walk in, her anger immediately turns to confusion.
You spill your story on [insert random dramatic heroic action of a possible charitable nature] *(I like the one about saving an orphanage from being graffittied and trashed by a gang of youths)* and her confusion will turn to sympathetic awe.
Next minute you know, you'll be thru the shower, cooked breakfast on the table, and watching sport on tv all day.
Good as Gold.
Of course that could all completely backfire and she'll backhand you into oblivion.
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