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Leon,
I lost my father in '94 to cancer, my best mate last year to stroke, and (I can't believe I'm saying this) my wife's cat last year when I backed over it.
Each time my heart was ripped out, (yes, the cat too).
I wont presume to know how you are feeling, because it is different for everyone.
I can say this though and I hope it helps.
Each time I lose someone I am reminded that life can end at ANY moment. As I am reminded of my own mortality and the concept that my time on this planet measured against eternity later, is a single overnight hotel-stay in one's entire life, I remember to live it! If astronomy is my thing, then I do it. I never know when I won't be able to anymore.
Don't wait for inspiration mate, go out and grab it by the throat and kick it up the backside! You are alive and magnificent. Take heart mate.
Baz.
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