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That looks better. Yes the original was washed out and also looks like some vignetting going on - did you use flats? If not you may be able to correct that with either Gradient Xterminator or using the gradient tool in Photoshop.
As Fred points out you've done a lot of things right there. Time now to start mastering some Photoshop/Processing skills. Wodaski's Zone System book is a great book and very helpful.
Greg.
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