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What a strange subject, Houghy; there are times that I do worry about you (have I said that before?).
Perhaps we could start with good deeds in order to define the parameters of your search for excellence.
There will also be a necessity to grade one's performance. Might I suggest a five level (each to be fought for with unflinching determination) with points allocated for each and every attempt?
Because I am not a female these points will be awarded from the viewpoint of a male who thinks his endeavours should be rewarded.
Firstly: There will be five classifications of achievement.
These will be;
Level 1: Average - this entitles the male to no reward but keeps him on the straight and level.
Level 2: Slightly above average - entitles the recipient to two flutters of eyelashes and a stamp on the back of his hand depicting a new moon.
Level 3: Getting better - receives the odd smile and the requirement that she call you by name when demanding you bring in the washing (and smiles when she issues the edict) plus a stamp on the back of your hand depicting Venus in opposition.
Level 4: Almost there - considers you to be slightly above the dog/cat/canary in the household pecking order - also entitles you to a stamp of the comet Halley at its aphelion.
Level 5: You've made it - you are finally initiated into the pack - even though you are still the lowest of the lowest. A new stamp for you - an image of a quiescent sun with a smiley face overlaid.
NOTE: You cannot move beyond Level 5 as to do so would contravene all the laws of nature.
Now the point system:
To be honest I'm in more that two minds when it comes to this sensitive area. Maybe the ladies on this site could assist?
I would think that to manage Level 1 a male would need to sweep the driveway, mow the lawn, fix all leaking taps, empty the gutters of leaf litter, do the washing up and the drying up and put the clean objects where she expects them to be; all on a daily basis.
Seeing that I'm still working on reaching the Level known as "1" I don't have the knowledge (as yet) to set my aims for Level "2" and above.
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