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Old 09-12-2019, 03:57 PM
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sil (Steve)
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Canberra
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Hmm, tricky one really. I'm seeking advice from a deaf coleague. But for myself having survived a traumatic brain injury TBI, I can understand his concerns somewhat as well as his reaction to you trying to force something on him for his own good.

So not sure how this post will go but its honest and not meant to be insulting in any way.

Firstly people meaning well trying to force treatment options on someone is highly insulting and is likely to be contributing to declining mental health. Having an option to take doesn't make it the right option. But effectiveness is extremely dependant on personal willpower (call it belief, call it placebo, call it misguided education or whatever) but the end result is if the person doesn't do it for themselves because they want to, its not going to be effective. Its not an on/off switch from disability to normality. Part of it is the social stigma which changes slowly with society changes so the impression he got of deaf people growing up from his family and peers may have firmly fixed his feeling (and it IS a feeling, so challenging it gets emotional and therefore damaging) on the topic.

So in the first instance you need to realise your approach is not productive, and reaching out I think you have already, just resist the temptation to repeat it. This is part of your experiences from family and peers that is ingrained in who you are. People rarely acknowledge negativity in themselves and is hard to combat.
I know an epiphany could help but thats something you can't predict or induce. Do you have access to people who have been close to him throughout life who may be able to help you understand what factors cause him to resist. They may or may not be capable of being overcome at this point. Was he a bully growing up and made fun of people with disabilities and now is worried about the tables being turned on him?

Dont try to reason with him as the brain does NOT work on logic naturally. Logic is a learned thing and if he has other brain issues onsetting logic is likely fragmented while his innner self is inside thinking clearly and screaming at you and himself but the signals arent making their way out along the proper paths.

Maybe interactions with others can help but don't drag him along and say here's a bunch of deaf blokes, see how normal they are. If he could interact positively with people with the more invisble hearing aides without knowing so it could come out naturally between them that could help him see the benefits. It could be he has othering hearing problems like a form of tinitus where an aide just amplifies the problem, maybe the deafness is the lesser of the evils. There may be physical pain with wearing the device. Its not as simple as non-sufferers assume. I suffered a stroke, which is traumatic brain injury and not just curable or treatable. TBI comes in many many forms and encompasses a huge range of symptoms and everyone has a unique combination of them to a unique degree and require unique approaches to try help. But one thing is certain without exception is nobody possibly comprehends what I live with 24/7 and what compromises I have to make to lose something to help reduce problems with something else. Its constant horror with not a single second to ever escape it, even trying to sleep is agony. So do not assume you can put yourself in his position, and can solve the problem, its not that simple but the wrong approach does cause more harm.

It could be that he feels isolated and alone because he isn't getting good social interaction, perhaps he thinks he can rely on you but you both only argue most of the time, so he's losing trust?

If he's really been diagnosed with other mental problems its the brain in decline. This is not something you take a pill for and can fix. But you can slow the degradation with exercise (use it or lose it) you could try doing jigsaw puzzles together or play scrabble or do crosswords. things to get the brain working and neuroplasticity can reinforce weakening neural pathways or create new ones where breaks have occured. Its a constant process not an hour a week or day, the brain needs long term workouts. Learning can be both good and bad things, the brain can't be told to choose which so if he's sitting alone all day and only gets an hour a day with you for example and you mostly argue then his brain will learn to associate you with bad things. So if you can spend good time being positive and co-operative doing something you both enjoy he could gain trust back. Likewies if you are indulging his requests like getting a drink from the fridge when he is more than capable of doing that himself then his brain could learn that he can't fetch a drink and just always expect others will do it for them. He basically teaches himself he's useless. Which is why his willpower is the only thing that will help, if he's not willing to fight for himself we can't improve.

I do suggest you contact any local blind societies etc and find out about counsellors that can help with this whole problem for ways for the patient and the family to understand and work towards a better quality of life. You do not have to do this alone or blindly, its common and something I have seen a lot in the past few years between various sufferers and their families. There is also a ton of red tape processes that can be dangerous as they sounded right once to some beaurocrat but in practice don't work. So your expectations may not be realistic but also if you're unwilling to be positive and productive then the end result can not be as good as possible.

I repeat none of this is meant to offend so please don't take it as such. I do speak from experience of my own disability, the stigmas, how I'm treated and how enforced help has caused huge damage and how little help out there there really is and how isolated and helpless I am. It's not a rare situation either. It really sucks to be stuck without a path of hope to follow. Only you know your situation, only your father knows his and maybe non of my advice is of use to you at all. Like people diagnosing medical ailments from a website is never the correct approach and not knowing specifics of his condition its all I can suggest, but I do recommend contacting a blindness society or similar in your area for advice, they can point you towards the best people to talk with on how to approach the problem. Of course you may have already tried the official channels and now grasping at straws, but I hope not. Its hard to know where to start a lot of times to ask. Audiologists deal with hearing aides so you could look them up too to ask. Even if someone just hands you a pamphlet you should pay attention to it, I know it feel insulting but the medical pamphlets these days have been good at giving me starting points for various thing I wanted to know more about or get help with. Maybe the equipment you have isn't suitable but more recent innovations might be like bone conductive necklace style headphones. follow the options to find solutions that he could use don't impose budget into the equation, find the solution first and figure money crap later. Like it or not, health care costs what is costs and insurers go to great lengths to pay out a single dollar. For myself the link in my sig is to funbd raise to try to get to the only realistic treatment that exists on this planet for someone with my exact set of TBI symptoms. The logstics of getting accepted and travel makes it far beyond any chance I can raise the money on my own. I don't push it on people like most people with similar campaigns. Its just the reality of my situation and I accept I won't likely get treatment before I'm dead. So find all current and emerging options for your dad, try to see if you can reach his reasons for refusal and if they can be overcome. Break it down to one step at a time and just deal with the money one step at a time. Hell there may be a parametric speaker device to help, These are directional speakers, I have one at home as a technophile and yes you can only hear the audio when sitting in the path of the beam an silence when I move, its a bit screechy though, not exactly audiophile sound quality but interesting technology which may have been used to develop a hearing aide without the aide. There are also products that are like headphones or earbuds like Here Active Listening from Doppler Labs which can test your hearingand makes adjustments to incoming sounds to give you a clearer more natural sound.
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