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Sounds like you know what you want and you should get it. Re cost it's not much at all considering the years of enjoyment you'll get out of it. Ever since I've looked through a SW Mak-180 I've been wanting one (more than their 120ED).
But just the title of this thread makes me a bit uncomfortable. Real trauma with lasting impact is something that few of us have experienced. It's a technical term used in psychiatry and medicine, and it's got nothing to do with telescope selection or giving up possessions. It's real serious stuff... Just so you know and for sake of trauma sufferers on this forum - and there must be quite a few just looking at the stats. It's a complex and difficult topic and I wish not go into it any further. Just felt I had to say something.
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