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Just my rookie opinion, but i reckon any body that has reached hydrostatic equilibrium (spheroid or ellipsoid) and that orbits a star is a planet. That then sorts out all the objects like Eris, Sedna, etc. If an object orbits another, then it is a satellite of that object. And anything else is an asteroid/comet/etc, whether orbiting the sun or on a hyperbolic trajectory through the solar system.
Too much complexity now days. Maybe it was the food as Andrew says lol!
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