[Volans]

It was reported today, that Mike Salway (aka "The Iceman") is being questioned by authorities regarding embezzelment for funneling millions of photons out of the universe by means of a scheme known as a "light bucket". Salway's accountant, Mr Too U. Cam, declined to comment about the matter but he is believed to be assisting police with their inquiries.

Far from being contrite about his nefarious nocturnal activities, Salway has repeatedly photographed his escapades and openly published them on the internet site, Ice in Space. Police believe the internet site could be linked to "The Iceman" due to the dual use of the word "ice". An icecube floating in a beverage used by Salway has been siezed as supporting evidence.

Police are taking advice from several amateur astronomers regarding this matter including one such amateur, known as "Ving". Mr Ving would not comment but instead made farm yard noises when questioned by this reporter.

"He is a really cool customer.", quoted one of the investigating detectives, Det. Insp. Dobson. Sgt. Ekwa Torial of the Circumpolar Police, added, "We also think Salway is peddling the drug, Local Sidereal Time or LST.". This drug will change the users perception of time.

A senior astronomer at the Big White Dome Observatory said "This kind of theft happens all the time and the only way to stamp it out is for the government to put a hefty tax on these photons and to audit the universe and to just find out how many photons we have...it's not an infinite source you know!".

Some bloke who fires off model rockets down the local park claims that this light stealing means that NASA will not be able to return to the Moon because if everyone keeps looking at it, then it will vanish!

Reporter: Peter "the Scoop" for the Daily Gibberish.