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Just tell them you're still on Windows for Workgroups (Windows 3.11) and you can't find any of this new fangled Start Button, Program Manager or Event Viewer.
Plan B - tell them you also work for Microsoft Technical support. I did that once, the call went like:
Me: Are you calling locally?
Bogus: Yes we are in your home city
Me: Oh so you're from the MS Head Office local support team?
Bogus: Yes we are sir.
Me: On level 2?
Bogus: Yes that's right.
Me: Oh well my home phone diverted to work, I work for MS Technical support and I'm on level 2 right now - please stand up and wave to me
They hang up fast after that and in fact never called back!
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