Hi Andrew,
Let me be a straight shooter, if you are truly asking for feedback. In my opinion, both images lack a bit of composition. The first one basically has significant part which is completely black which doesn't hold any information. Besides, it seems there is too much noise reduction applied on the sky. The second image is better, IMHO. The sky looks more natural, and the foreground now attracts more attention. I would perhaps only suggest to use a warmer light source for the light painting, the result would look a bit more natural.
This is just a humble opinion
Keep up with imaging !