tims
04-04-2010, 04:55 AM
I found this ad in the classifieds on Astromart - it's a classic!!
"Since the recession is stressing even the perfect marriages ???, I thought it was time to pass on some wisdom to husbands on how to keep their relationships handily afloat. It's no secret that conjugal forever togetherness has always been threatened by the astrophotography hobby. Gathered over 42 years of marriage, the tips below have been time tested and proven. These were originally posted in response to a few "Yikes, my wife is going to leave me" ads here from semi-abused husbands coerced into selling their telescope equipment.
1. GET A SEPARATE BANK ACCOUNT NOW and do not tell her about it.
I was 25 years into my marriage when I suddenly realized I could not afford dollar 'retaliation' in our relationship. For every dollar I dedicated to astrogear, she would spend $2 on purely frivolous kitchen accessories. (Who really needs a digital pressure cooker and motorized toaster?) The poor house was not far away. This, btw, did not curtail her spending, just brought it down to a 1:1 ratio.
2. GET A SERIES IV 'STILETTO' FOCUSER -more on that later-.
3. SHIP TO YOUR OFFICE ADDRESS Fully 80% of our 'Stiletto' focusers are delivered to corporate addresses where you would not be able to find a single camera in the entire multiplex. I suspect that these units are removed from their original packaging and taken home in a bowling bag or similar.
4.BUILD A ROLL-OFF ROOF OBSERVATORY IN THE BACKYARD DISGUISED AS A GARDEN SHED Wives will never go into a garden shed, especially if you tell them you spotted some mice out there. If a package is inadvertently delivered at home, run out to the shed with it right away shouting " the @#$% WeedWhacker part finally arrived". (Free plans for building the observatory are on our website.)
5. ORDER LARGE ASTRO ITEMS AROUND PRIME HOLIDAYS Wives never question large boxes delivered around Christmas and their birthdays, and assume there is going to be a surprise.
6. DO NOT PURCHASE FROM COMPANIES CALLED "ASTROwhatever" These names will stand out like a sore thumb on credit card statements. It's much better to purchase from Anacortes where you can explain that it was just another donation to the wild bird refuge in Washington. (Herb can even back you up if she decides to call. )
7. DO NOT BUY 'GUILT' PRESENTS Even if you do spend $3k on that Tak, do not give in to the temptation to buy her a box of chocolates unannounced. She will only think you've been hitting on the secretaries at work, and you will get a call from a divorce lawyer named Ray.
8. PLAN EXCUSES AHEAD OF TIME AND COMMUNICATE
Before she suddenly notices you sold the BMW and now have an old VW and new camera, be ready to explain that gas prices are still going up and that digital cameras have no maintenance at all. You can then pixeleese her to death with tech talk until she walks away.
9. PREVENT FFDS
By far, FFDS (Fuzzy Focusing Depression Syndrome) is the major cause of 80% of divorces among astrophotographers. After leaving her alone inside for hours while you're peacefully out in the dark, she finally spies the photo you've been working on. Instead of pinpoint star images, all she can see is a tray of Krispi Cremes. She quickly realizes how much money you've wasted in gear, and more importantly, how you have sacrificed her for only a bit of 'blur'. The quiet nights come to an abrupt end, and the previous happy marriage is headed for the proverbial rocks.
To prevent FFDS, of course, refer to point # 2 above. The Series IV 'Stiletto' is guaranteed to put your DSLR in perfect focus in only seconds or you get your money back. It's that simple. It really is a small investment to make for the sake of family togetherness. Visit our website today to read about the exact path to marital bliss. And if you're still single, well heed the words above...
Thanks & Clear Skies!
Richard
http://www.astromart.com/classifieds/details.asp?classified_id=676394#ph otos
Tim
"Since the recession is stressing even the perfect marriages ???, I thought it was time to pass on some wisdom to husbands on how to keep their relationships handily afloat. It's no secret that conjugal forever togetherness has always been threatened by the astrophotography hobby. Gathered over 42 years of marriage, the tips below have been time tested and proven. These were originally posted in response to a few "Yikes, my wife is going to leave me" ads here from semi-abused husbands coerced into selling their telescope equipment.
1. GET A SEPARATE BANK ACCOUNT NOW and do not tell her about it.
I was 25 years into my marriage when I suddenly realized I could not afford dollar 'retaliation' in our relationship. For every dollar I dedicated to astrogear, she would spend $2 on purely frivolous kitchen accessories. (Who really needs a digital pressure cooker and motorized toaster?) The poor house was not far away. This, btw, did not curtail her spending, just brought it down to a 1:1 ratio.
2. GET A SERIES IV 'STILETTO' FOCUSER -more on that later-.
3. SHIP TO YOUR OFFICE ADDRESS Fully 80% of our 'Stiletto' focusers are delivered to corporate addresses where you would not be able to find a single camera in the entire multiplex. I suspect that these units are removed from their original packaging and taken home in a bowling bag or similar.
4.BUILD A ROLL-OFF ROOF OBSERVATORY IN THE BACKYARD DISGUISED AS A GARDEN SHED Wives will never go into a garden shed, especially if you tell them you spotted some mice out there. If a package is inadvertently delivered at home, run out to the shed with it right away shouting " the @#$% WeedWhacker part finally arrived". (Free plans for building the observatory are on our website.)
5. ORDER LARGE ASTRO ITEMS AROUND PRIME HOLIDAYS Wives never question large boxes delivered around Christmas and their birthdays, and assume there is going to be a surprise.
6. DO NOT PURCHASE FROM COMPANIES CALLED "ASTROwhatever" These names will stand out like a sore thumb on credit card statements. It's much better to purchase from Anacortes where you can explain that it was just another donation to the wild bird refuge in Washington. (Herb can even back you up if she decides to call. )
7. DO NOT BUY 'GUILT' PRESENTS Even if you do spend $3k on that Tak, do not give in to the temptation to buy her a box of chocolates unannounced. She will only think you've been hitting on the secretaries at work, and you will get a call from a divorce lawyer named Ray.
8. PLAN EXCUSES AHEAD OF TIME AND COMMUNICATE
Before she suddenly notices you sold the BMW and now have an old VW and new camera, be ready to explain that gas prices are still going up and that digital cameras have no maintenance at all. You can then pixeleese her to death with tech talk until she walks away.
9. PREVENT FFDS
By far, FFDS (Fuzzy Focusing Depression Syndrome) is the major cause of 80% of divorces among astrophotographers. After leaving her alone inside for hours while you're peacefully out in the dark, she finally spies the photo you've been working on. Instead of pinpoint star images, all she can see is a tray of Krispi Cremes. She quickly realizes how much money you've wasted in gear, and more importantly, how you have sacrificed her for only a bit of 'blur'. The quiet nights come to an abrupt end, and the previous happy marriage is headed for the proverbial rocks.
To prevent FFDS, of course, refer to point # 2 above. The Series IV 'Stiletto' is guaranteed to put your DSLR in perfect focus in only seconds or you get your money back. It's that simple. It really is a small investment to make for the sake of family togetherness. Visit our website today to read about the exact path to marital bliss. And if you're still single, well heed the words above...
Thanks & Clear Skies!
Richard
http://www.astromart.com/classifieds/details.asp?classified_id=676394#ph otos
Tim