Amusing quotes

[deanm]

"America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked."

- :screwy:David Letterman...

[blink138]

a chalk board outside a pub..... chemically speaking, alcohol is a solution!
pat

[croweater]

" The best way to remove temptation is to yield to it" Oscar Wilde :lol: So if you buy that eyepiece you want then the temptation will be gone.

[clive milne]

I suspect that is a function of the ejubucation system there.

Interestingly, Cuba has a higher standard of education than the US in spite of 50 years of punitive sanctions.

fwiw) here's an interesting article by Martin Carnoy
Professor of education and economics at Stanford University
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/martin-carnoy/are-cubas-schools-better_b_109280.html

Also interesting is that Cuba has amongst the lowest infant mortality rates and highest doctor to patient ratios of any country in the world and actually sends them overseas as something of an export commodity in exchange for resources they would otherwise be denied.
http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/2012/06/201265115527622647.html
http://jnci.oxfordjournals.org/content/92/12/963.full

I'm guessing that the notion of 'irony' isn't on the list of things that form the basis of the US school curriculum.

[deanm]

"Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years".

~ Betsy Salkind...

[deanm]

"Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself."

~ Harrison Ford...

[Stonius]

“The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.”
-Neil deGrasse Tyson

[deanm]

"If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead."

~ Johnny Carson...

[AstralTraveller]

Alcohol is a solvent. Alcoholic drinks are solutions (though, even there, water is the main solvent).

Q. How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but she has to have a soprano stand beside her and say "Isn't that a little high for you, dear?"

[xelasnave]

Hate to tell you but I first heard a similar line from a JW refferring to the bible over forty years ago. :eyepop:

Alex

[Larryp]

"America has sent us its only non dollar export-syphilis"
My university pathology lecturer

[deanm]

"The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree".

~ Spike Milligan...

[Ric]

I soooo agree with this, a scientific fact. :D

[Ric]

"Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason."

Mark Twain

[deanm]

"I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.

God dammit, I'm a billionaire."

~ Howard Hughes...

[graham.hobart]

" He bats from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious!"

No I'm not going to buy my daughter an encyclopedia. She can walk to school like I did"

'the future ain't what it used to be"

Quotes from Lawrence Peter 'Yogi' Berra, New York Yankees player and quote machine- look him up, he was hilarious!:lol:

[Shano592]

"Always borrow money from a pessimist... He won't expect it back."

-Oscar Wilde

[Shano592]

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

-Douglas Adams

[Shano592]

I heard this one on the ABC a couple of weeks ago:

"If you even dream of beating me, you'd better wake up and apologise."

-Muhammad Ali

[Stonius]

Yikes!! Of course, that would require the JW's being able to prove the existence of God :confuse3:

[Stonius]

"There's two kinds of people in the world; Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data..."

[AstralTraveller]

I always thought there are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.

[FlashDrive]

' Science ' is only Man discovering what GOD already knows.

[Shiraz]

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores

- Sir Terry Pratchett

[Shano592]

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

-Albert Einstein

[Shano592]

"By all means marry: if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher."

-Socrates

[xelasnave]

Not a problem.... there is plenty of proof in the bible.

Dont ask who wrote it.

The time I wasted with that JW chap... but in his defence he never gave up and was never put off.

When I moved to the bush, and remember I am on 200 acres surrounded by state forest the first visitors, some 18 months after moving there, were you must have guessed JWs.
Four old dears all well over eighty seekinh out poor souls to save.
I was nice, in fact happy to see someone, anyone, but you would have to admire their courage as there were folk up my way in those days who would have turned the dogs on them or shot out their tyres.
And they turned up another four years later not looking any older.
Alex

[deanm]

Time travellers, Alex!

Dean

[vlazg]

" I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day "

" A common mistake that people make when trying to design something foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools "

Douglas Adams

[gary]

"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite."

John Kenneth Galbraith, U.S. economist who served in the Roosevelt, Truman, Kennedy and Johnson administrations.

[thunderchildobs]

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent." Qui-Gon Jinn

or "The ability to post does not make you intelligent."

[OzEclipse]

Outside pubs in Barbados 3 years ago I snapped pics of two signs. Sorry one is not very clear. Shot through a taxi window as we were pulling away.

[DavidU]

"People who live in glass houses shouldn't".
DavidU

[blexxx1769]

Too much information there Joe!

[billdan]

This is a thread that could go on forever, here are some of my favourite quotes.

He that remains calm when all around are panicking hasn't got all the information.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people look bright, until you hear them speak!

"If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.” - Albert Einstein

"Logic will take you from A to B, imagination will take you everywhere." - Albert Einstein

You do not need a parachute to skydive; you only need a parachute to skydive twice...

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with more experience.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

"As we know, there are known knowns; these are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know." - Donald Rumsfeld


Cheers
Bill

[deanm]

I think it could be good if it went on for a while: folk choose their own 'pithy' sentiments, & that is something worthy of sharing (and often a laugh!)

Dean

[deanm]

"Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million".

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger...

[Atmos]

I know many would say that the Bible is devoid of humour but there are some parts that I have had pointed to me that have made me chuckle.

Ki 18:27 And it came about at noon that E·liʹjah began to mock them and say: “Call at the top of YOUR voice, for he is a god; for he must be concerned with a matter, and he has excrement and has to go to the privy. Or maybe he is asleep and ought to wake up!”

[GTB_an_Owl]

if we lie to the government - it's a felony
if the government lies to us - it's politics
Bill Murray


geoff

[omegacrux]

It's better to stand there and look stupid
Than open your mouth and prove it !

Don't remember where I heard that
David

[Nikolas]

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet"
-Abraham Lincoln

[cfranks]

I saw a poster years ago saying "The meek shall inherit the Earth" and someone had written underneath "If that's alright by everybody else"

[billdan]

This is an old advert for Coffee in the 1920's.

[xelasnave]

Unfortunately I forget this one all to often.

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear to be a fool than to open it and confirm the fact.

And

You have two ears and one mouth try to use them in such proportion.

Alex

[Terry B]

What does "DNA" stand for?

National Dyslexics Association.

[AussieTrooper]

Painted in several places on a wall that often gets ads glued to it:

"Bill posters will be prosecuted"

Written below it:

"Bill Posters is innocent!"

[GeoffW1]

Ah dear oh dear.....things have never been more like they are right now.

[jonesalice34]

I can resist everything except temptation

[perrin6]

Mechanic fixing Lietenant Columbo's car; ' Are you undercover ?'

Columbo; 'No-underpaid'

[ZeroID]

Work, the curse of the drinking class.

[ZeroID]

My wife has this lovely retort when you ask her what is the chances of something happening ....

"Slim to none, ... and Slim's out of town."

[FlashDrive]

This is an oldy....

I remember asking for a particular item, and the reply was .... Bob Hopes brother ... I said who is Bob Hopes brother.

The reply was ' NO HOPE ' ....

Poppy ...:D

[sn1987a]

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left! :P

When life gives you lemons - shut up and eat your damn lemons! :D

[drylander]

and the other version
If life gives you lemons...make lemonade :thumbsup:
Pete

[csb]

"Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture." Ruth Rudner

I have it hung in an old frame in my house. Explains some things for visitors :question:

[adman]

Marriage is like a game of cards. At the start all you need are two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

Anon

[Ric]

One for the Bikers on this forum :D

"Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory." ~Author Unknown