Brian3.
19-02-2014, 01:31 AM
Valentine's Day Revisited.
( Or understanding the male space time dis-continuum. )
It is the evening of February 14th.
The night sky is clear, and to the trained eye "seeing" conditions looked exceptionally good. Our hero, lets call him Percy, could not resist the temptation and with some effort brought his 12 inch Dob from his study and positioned it in the usual place between the clothes line and the fence. Here he could observe most of the night sky.
In the house moved a gathering discontent in the form of Libidus, his wife of some ten years. In fact it was not "some" but exactly ten years to the day that the knot had been tied, and its inevitable constrictions were about to illicit the form of expression from the normally placid woman that would strike fear into the heart of any grid iron blocker.
Our hero meanwhile was lost in space, gazing in wonderment at the heart of Omega Centauri and the haze of thousands of stars resolving themselves at the edge of the globular cluster.
The blow caught him by surprise, and its painful consequences caused an involuntary expression of his discomfort of a character seldom heard in their neighbourhood.
He spun around in time to witness his assailant, none other than Libidus, and her weapon of choice, his Takahashi 102 refractor.
"Mother of God Lib, what the h..l"
Before he could finish the sentence she replied with more venom than a tiger snake. "Amateur astronomer my foot, amateur husband and lover more like it..." To further emphasise her discontent and with a display of athleticism usually confined to hammer throwing competitions Libidus spun violently and released the Tak. Percival's prized optical possession took flight along a parabolic arc, adventuring over the boundary fence and some seconds later converting its new found kinetic energy into highly deforming consequences.
Our hero, bruised and battered, descended into a state of acute emotional trauma. His cosmic journey had come to a violent end, replaced by a new reality. His now numbed mind failed absolutely to understand the simple equation of life that had been manifest:
Energy expressed = marriage x discontent squared.
Einstein had seen it, but concluded that the loss of his favourite achromat when considered relative to the fundamental equation expressed most eloquently before his eyes was in fact a small thing.
It was not until his spouse dismantled his 12 inch Newtonian some years later that he saw the gravity of the situation and concluded that in fact there was a special relativity that had to be considered.
To the present and what has become of our hero. The truth is that most of his nights are now spent indoors, desperately trying to create a living equilibrium. His Dob found a new home and all that is left of his adventure into the cosmos is an EQ6 standing forlornly as a feature amongst the shrubs in the garden bed along "that fence."
This could be the end of the story,
but our hero had discovered an important fact that would soon empower him.
Simple algebra:
XX > XY within the limits of any relationship.
He just had to find a way of making Y > X.
( Or understanding the male space time dis-continuum. )
It is the evening of February 14th.
The night sky is clear, and to the trained eye "seeing" conditions looked exceptionally good. Our hero, lets call him Percy, could not resist the temptation and with some effort brought his 12 inch Dob from his study and positioned it in the usual place between the clothes line and the fence. Here he could observe most of the night sky.
In the house moved a gathering discontent in the form of Libidus, his wife of some ten years. In fact it was not "some" but exactly ten years to the day that the knot had been tied, and its inevitable constrictions were about to illicit the form of expression from the normally placid woman that would strike fear into the heart of any grid iron blocker.
Our hero meanwhile was lost in space, gazing in wonderment at the heart of Omega Centauri and the haze of thousands of stars resolving themselves at the edge of the globular cluster.
The blow caught him by surprise, and its painful consequences caused an involuntary expression of his discomfort of a character seldom heard in their neighbourhood.
He spun around in time to witness his assailant, none other than Libidus, and her weapon of choice, his Takahashi 102 refractor.
"Mother of God Lib, what the h..l"
Before he could finish the sentence she replied with more venom than a tiger snake. "Amateur astronomer my foot, amateur husband and lover more like it..." To further emphasise her discontent and with a display of athleticism usually confined to hammer throwing competitions Libidus spun violently and released the Tak. Percival's prized optical possession took flight along a parabolic arc, adventuring over the boundary fence and some seconds later converting its new found kinetic energy into highly deforming consequences.
Our hero, bruised and battered, descended into a state of acute emotional trauma. His cosmic journey had come to a violent end, replaced by a new reality. His now numbed mind failed absolutely to understand the simple equation of life that had been manifest:
Energy expressed = marriage x discontent squared.
Einstein had seen it, but concluded that the loss of his favourite achromat when considered relative to the fundamental equation expressed most eloquently before his eyes was in fact a small thing.
It was not until his spouse dismantled his 12 inch Newtonian some years later that he saw the gravity of the situation and concluded that in fact there was a special relativity that had to be considered.
To the present and what has become of our hero. The truth is that most of his nights are now spent indoors, desperately trying to create a living equilibrium. His Dob found a new home and all that is left of his adventure into the cosmos is an EQ6 standing forlornly as a feature amongst the shrubs in the garden bed along "that fence."
This could be the end of the story,
but our hero had discovered an important fact that would soon empower him.
Simple algebra:
XX > XY within the limits of any relationship.
He just had to find a way of making Y > X.