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  #21  
Old 03-07-2005, 10:30 PM
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h0ughy (David)
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now they're gett'in bad!!!!!
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  #22  
Old 04-07-2005, 04:00 AM
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Sausageman (Mike Boggan)
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A man walked into a bar.
OUCH !!!!
It was an Iron bar.

Mike
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  #23  
Old 04-07-2005, 05:16 AM
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CosMos (Rich)
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A man was sitting down by a river in Africa watching a turtle sunbathing on the bank. The day was hot and calm and all was peaceful with the world. A small cloud of dust appeared off in the distance and as the man watched, an old but powerful elephant, ears twitching in the heat and tusks gleaming white in the bright afternoon sun, ambled in to view.

Following the approaching elephant, the man watched in awe as the giant beast walked up to the turtle lying on the bank, lowered his head and nudged the turtle awake with one alabaster tusk. The turtle slowly looked up, eyes half shut, rudely awakened. A discussion of sorts seemed to take place, though the man was too far away to hear with clarity. As quick as it started, dialogue ceased and the turtle put his head back down on the warm bank and closed his eyes.

Ears flapping wildly, the great grey beast seemed enraged. Drawing back one of its wrinkled and powerful front legs and with a bellow that shattered the easy calm of the countryside, the elephant kicked the unsuspecting turtle off the bank and into the river.

Astounded, the man's curiosity overcome any reservations he had of approaching the elephant. "Hey, I noticed that you kicked that poor old turtle right off the bank and into the river. Why?"

"Well", said the bemused elephant, "thirty years ago I was rolling around in the shallow waters of this river, minding my own business I will tell you, when I felt a sharp pain in my trunk. Looking down I saw this very turtle hanging off the end of it. Damn well hurt I can tell you. I have waited a long time for revenge."

The man scratched his head, "Well, what do you know, turtle recall."
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  #24  
Old 04-07-2005, 09:30 PM
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That's terrible!!! L.

Last edited by RAJAH235; 04-07-2005 at 09:32 PM.
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  #25  
Old 04-07-2005, 09:46 PM
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why did the koala fall out of the tree?


it was dead.

el
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  #26  
Old 04-07-2005, 09:47 PM
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who said we couldn't make a go of a non-discriminitory joke thread.

el


p.s. that statement in itself was the joke
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  #27  
Old 04-07-2005, 09:56 PM
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Roses are red,
viotets are blue.
I'm a Schizophrenic,
and so am I
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  #28  
Old 05-07-2005, 11:08 AM
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Striker (Tony)
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lol...

You have to laugh at those short 1 liners.....love them all no matter how stupid they are...

Last edited by Striker; 05-07-2005 at 11:11 AM.
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  #29  
Old 05-07-2005, 11:43 AM
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why did the elephant paint it's toe nails red.


so it could hide in the strawberry bush.


el

p.s there is a another variant of this that involves yellow paint and a lemon tree.
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  #30  
Old 05-07-2005, 01:39 PM
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How do you shoot a black elephant?
with a black elephant gun.

How do you shoot a pink elephant?
with a pink elephant gun.

How do you shoot a blue elephant?
wait for it...
you guessed it a blue elephant gun.

Now how do you shoot a white elephant?

no not a white elephant gun!

tie a knot in its trunk wait till it turns blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun
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  #31  
Old 05-07-2005, 08:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cahullian
Roses are red,
viotets are blue.
I'm a Schizophrenic,
and so am I
If you're a Schizophrenic that makes four of us !!!
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  #32  
Old 05-07-2005, 08:37 PM
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A bumper sticker I saw years ago that still gives me a chuckle....

Eschew Obfuscation
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  #33  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:36 PM
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Starkler (Geoff)
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Now this has to be joke of the week, and its astronomy themed too !

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117...-23109,00.html
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  #34  
Old 07-07-2005, 04:51 AM
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A man is before the judge, after getting a ticket. He says "Judge, I'm
an Astrophysisist and I can explain my running that red light. As I was
approaching the intersection, I was drawing nearer the stoplight, so the
light from it was blue-shifted, since it seemed to be approaching me.
That effectively changed how I perceived the color of the red light, and
it appeared green."

The professor smiled smugly and the Judge nodded. "I see. Based on that
explanation, I'm dropping the charge of running the red light."

The professor started collecting his notes and prepared to leave the
courtroom.

"BUT," the judge continued, "also based on your explanation, I'm fining
you $1 million dollars for speeding. In order to blue-shift the red
light to green, you HAD to be doing at least 10,000 times the speed limit."
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  #35  
Old 07-07-2005, 07:16 AM
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Starkler
They've got to be joking.
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  #36  
Old 07-07-2005, 11:47 PM
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A man wakes up in hospital screaming" NURSE NURSE i CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS."
The nurse replies " I know we amputated your arms."
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  #37  
Old 08-07-2005, 06:27 PM
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Sausageman (Mike Boggan)
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This is a true story.

A mate of mine has glasses so thick, someone asked him how far he could see without them.
He took them off, looked up at the Sun and said, " I can see that, is 93 million miles far enough".

Mike
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  #38  
Old 10-07-2005, 10:20 AM
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Sausageman (Mike Boggan)
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How do you know an elephant's been in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

Mike
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  #39  
Old 11-07-2005, 03:12 PM
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Sausageman (Mike Boggan)
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I saw a dozen eyepieces on a table.

The 12 Aplossl's.


I thought that one up all by myself

Mike
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  #40  
Old 11-07-2005, 03:52 PM
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asimov (John)
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I LIKE it Mike! Good one!
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