I need to ask after riding a bike for the first time since adolescence . Since things developed...how...um... do you...errr... prevent extreme castration pain? I tried all kinds of arrangements, permutations and combinations and undergarments, and, well, errr....yeah, it still hurts no matter the collimation
There is no way in Hades I am wearing bike pants - spandex on lard butts is humorous at best - there will be bulges everywhere. Is there any seat type that perhaps has a "man hole", or a short seat without the extended bit?
I need to get in shape a little (understatement), but this is just ridiculous, especially being hot presently which makes things more gravity inclined. I would like to retain the ability to father more children if need be
Harden up young man... , bite the bullet and get a pair of riding pants, who cares what your butt looks like, the skin will toughen in due course..
Maybe 'toughen up' would be more appropriate. I think John's advice would exacerbate the problem.
Bike pants are the the best way to go but otherwise tight knickers help a bit (though they still chafe). Alternatively just remove the seat and use the post. Of course some 'skin' will still need to toughen up.
On a more serious note, riding with underpants under a pair of shorts is a good way to get some serious chaffing, I have been riding a lot of years and would not recommend that approach at all, depending on the type of bike you ride, you can get a more loose fit with X_Country or Downhill type pants. As far as a saddle is concerned, you can go to a bike shop and see what fits your butt or toughen up. You will get used to it
I would like to retain the ability to father more children if need be 
Of course some 'skin' will still need to toughen up. 
