Who is getting some time in?

xelasnave · #1 26-01-2020, 06:41 PM

I don't even go outside...I am that depressed.
My father died as some of you know and frankly the loss is beyond what I can bear...he was the man.
No better human had ever lived .. kind, patient and powerful beyond comprehension...I wish I could be half of who he was.
And so it's hard..I see a YouTube video ....show it to Dad..but he has gone..he should still be here if there was any justice or judgement.

So..... where you are? What day is it anyways???? Please a glimpse thru binnos..anything..how is it for you?
What can you see tonight?
All I have to look forward to is a party of drunken folk with wantent ladies etc..so shallow I don't know how I will get thru it.
Alex

Outcast (Carlton) · #2 26-01-2020, 06:45 PM

Hey Alex,

I'm sorry for your loss... I can relate... lost both my parents in the last two years & it hurts... try to remember all the good times & smile about them, you have the memories at least if nothing else...

Wish I could tell you about my stargazing but, still not allowed to lift anything over 2kg post spinal surgery but, see my surgeon next Friday so, hopefully restrictions get lifted...

Won't matter anyways... the monsoon trough has dropped & we have rain, rain & more rain....

Not very much of a cheer up I'm afraid but, hey... our plants are doing well... nothing like rain water & tropical warmth to stimulate growth...

Take care bud...

Xeteth (David) · #3 26-01-2020, 06:46 PM

Sorry to hear about the passing of your father Alex, it's never easy to lose a loved one - give it time and look after yourself.

Here's a quote from elsewhere on the web which helped me when one of my close relatives passed:

Quote:

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

Startrek (Martin) · #4 26-01-2020, 06:56 PM

Alex
Sorry to hear your loss but you have some comfort in knowing that there are many folk in our forum that admire you for what you and are thinking of you in this difficult time. You are a kind , respectful, caring , thoughtful human being and a thorough gentleman. I’m sure your father is proud of you and we know you can move forward from the sorrow in time.
You know that astronomy is still waiting for you and is a way for you to connect to the heavens and our universe which does keep you focused on positive things
I lost my Mum last year and my Dad hasn’t got much time left at 92 and not in good health so I can relate in some way
Take care mate
Martin

xelasnave · #5 26-01-2020, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outcast

Hey Alex,

I'm sorry for your loss... I can relate... lost both my parents in the last two years & it hurts... try to remember all the good times & smile about them, you have the memories at least if nothing else...

Wish I could tell you about my stargazing but, still not allowed to lift anything over 2kg post spinal surgery but, see my surgeon next Friday so, hopefully restrictions get lifted...

Won't matter anyways... the monsoon trough has dropped & we have rain, rain & more rain....

Not very much of a cheer up I'm afraid but, hey... our plants are doing well... nothing like rain water & tropical warmth to stimulate growth...

Take care bud...

Thank you...that's all I can manage.
Alex

xelasnave · #6 26-01-2020, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xeteth

Sorry to hear about the passing of your father Alex, it's never easy to lose a loved one - give it time and look after yourself.

Here's a quote from elsewhere on the web which helped me when one of my close relatives passed:

Thanks I am finding things more difficult than I expected. He was the only person I, from my point of view, had to impress. He was everything..even more..the greatest human that has lived.
His compassion, humility, kindness, tolerance and sensible wisdom...his absence leaves me low .. the more I think I can be only be half that good. He was better than any human ..almost non human such was his presence and power.
Alex

xelasnave · #7 26-01-2020, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outcast

Hey Alex,

I'm sorry for your loss... I can relate... lost both my parents in the last two years & it hurts... try to remember all the good times & smile about them, you have the memories at least if nothing else...

Wish I could tell you about my stargazing but, still not allowed to lift anything over 2kg post spinal surgery but, see my surgeon next Friday so, hopefully restrictions get lifted...

Won't matter anyways... the monsoon trough has dropped & we have rain, rain & more rain....

Not very much of a cheer up I'm afraid but, hey... our plants are doing well... nothing like rain water & tropical warmth to stimulate growth...

Take care bud...

All I am is them.
I was nothing but their directions..best fighter ..win this and that..not me them...you don't have to win just do your best...guess what your best beats most in a battle...well for me it has..did..
Whatever.
Alex

xelasnave · #8 26-01-2020, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Startrek

Alex
Sorry to hear your loss but you have some comfort in knowing that there are many folk in our forum that admire you for what you and are thinking of you in this difficult time. You are a kind , respectful, caring , thoughtful human being and a thorough gentleman. I’m sure your father is proud of you and we know you can move forward from the sorrow in time.
You know that astronomy is still waiting for you and is a way for you to connect to the heavens and our universe which does keep you focused on positive things
I lost my Mum last year and my Dad hasn’t got much time left at 92 and not in good health so I can relate in some way
Take care mate
Martin

Thank you sincerely for taking the time to help me. I appreciate it more than you can know.

He loved seeing my work..that is why I did it mostly.
My best mate...the only person who really understood me. And loved me with my major problems.
That's not easy..and now it is just terrible...for me.
.no one to turn to...But I will go on..
He taught me to go on...He is why I am tuff am will never be beaten or give up short of death....alex

GTB_an_Owl (Geoff) · #9 26-01-2020, 07:33 PM

Hi Alex

so sorry for your loss

geoff

xelasnave · #10 26-01-2020, 07:37 PM

It is just so hard...but to find problems here...my inoccent posts removed and something going on that I don't even know about...that's hard...all because I don't believe what a mod believes...Why I am a target I don't know but it sucks particularly now when I morn the champion of fairness, kindness and wisdom. Decency dictates something more than what I am getting...love your fellow man perhaps could be invoked...well it could but let's see if folk practice what they preach.
Alex

N1 (Mirko) · #11 26-01-2020, 07:46 PM

Alex there are 4 coordinates by which some measure the universe. These 4 dimensions, 3 for space, one for time, define our place in the universe, define any cherished moment and memory. Your dad, and your time with him is, not was, part of this universe for as long as it exists.

xelasnave · #12 26-01-2020, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by N1

Alex there are 4 coordinates by which some measure the universe. These 4 dimensions, 3 for space, one for time, define our place in the universe, define any cherished moment and memory. Your dad, and your time with him is, not was, part of this universe for as long as it exists.

Very wise and helpful.
Thank you.
All you have said helps me.
Alex

xelasnave · #13 26-01-2020, 08:15 PM

Now we have got sidetracked...
It's about what you are working on... Do you have clear sky, etc, etc...
I am in Sydney and plan to look later...bit here the trees have near covered me in...so..opportunity is not great...still ..
What are you up to tonight...astronomy wise...tales of other stuff lost some place else.
Alex

Outcast (Carlton) · #14 26-01-2020, 08:32 PM

No clear skies here Alex...

Peeing rain... true wet season weather...

Just remember, be a decent human being (which I think you are from what I read)... nothing else matters & no-ones opinion of you matters either...

We are who we are, defined by our life experiences including those learned from our parents...

All that really matters though.. is being a decent human being.. don't stress stuff being deleted or other apparent smacks in the face in other areas of your life bud... just keep being a decent human being no matter what... it's all that truly matters to be honest

FWIW, we (the wife & I) are off to see the latest Star Wars shortly...

xelasnave · #15 26-01-2020, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outcast

No clear skies here Alex...

Peeing rain... true wet season weather...

Just remember, be a decent human being (which I think you are from what I read)... nothing else matters & no-ones opinion of you matters either...

We are who we are, defined by our life experiences including those learned from our parents...

All that really matters though.. is being a decent human being.. don't stress stuff being deleted or other apparent smacks in the face in other areas of your life bud... just keep being a decent human being no matter what... it's all that truly matters to be honest

FWIW, we (the wife & I) are off to see the latest Star Wars shortly...

Good ideas etc thanks.
Alex

JA · #16 26-01-2020, 10:26 PM

Hi Alex,

I'm very sorry to hear of the passing of your father. You have my deepest sympathies. All I can offer is to look back fondly on the wonderful experiences you've had over the years.

Best
JA

wavelandscott (Scott) · #17 27-01-2020, 02:33 AM

Sorry to learn of your loss...

With respect to the night sky, here in winter it is my favorite set of constellations but a the weather has not been very cooperative to get a good peak. Fingers cross3d for next weekend

bgilbert (Barry gilbert) · #18 27-01-2020, 01:53 PM

. G'day Alex.
.
. Not everyone has been as lucky as you, to have known such a dad, It is up to you to carry on his legacy of being such a good bloke. From what I've seen on the forums your doing a pretty good job.

Apart from the odd moderator, you're pretty popular and have a gentle soul.

all the best,
Barry

Saturnine (Jeff) · #19 27-01-2020, 10:39 PM

Hi Alex

My sincere condolences on the passing of your father Alex. Sounds like he was a great dad, remember the good times.
Anything else I could say may sound pithy but it has been 20 years since my father died and I still miss him though the pain has gone there is still an emptiness and there is so much I would like to ask him about or tell him about.
Life may seem unfair right now but it does get better over time. A lot of us have been to the place your at right now but we managed to keep our lives focused on the good things, astro helps a lot.

Hemi · #20 28-01-2020, 12:19 PM

I’m sorry to hear of the passing of your Dad Alex, please accept my condolences.
It seems like he was a good Human Being and Father, and i wish I’d known him.

As far as getting some time in.....slim pickings to say the least...

Took some Bins on my recent trip to Tassy....Was looking forward to some truly dark skies but not a chance. Clouds, clouds and more clouds! A couple of nights looked promising but nope!

Darwin is currently monsoonal so NADA here as well!

These moments (not just the weather) make us appreciate the good times (past and to come)

Hemi