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  #1  
Old 18-12-2007, 10:25 PM
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rogerg (Roger)
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Wanted: Christmas Cracker Jokes!

Hey everyone,

I've been assigned the task of finding christmas cracker jokes for the christmas crackers that my partner makes up for her family

So I need some help to find all those great christmas cracker jokes that we all love so much

Of course I'll be using Google lots, but surely there's got to be some good ones known amongst this crowd... perhaps even some astronomy ones???

Please post'm here

Roger.
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  #2  
Old 18-12-2007, 10:50 PM
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Q1. How do you know if there is an elephant living in your refrigerator?

A1. By the footprints in the butter.

Q2. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A2. A stick

Remember Roger, if their not corny, their not a cracker joke.

Cheers
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  #3  
Old 18-12-2007, 10:56 PM
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You said you wanted cracker jokes......

Q:Why is the sky so high?
A:So the birds won't bump their heads.

Q:Why did the lion spit out the clown?
A:Because he tasted funny.

Q:What do cats put in their drinks?
A:Mice cubes.

Q:What do you get when you cross a chicken & a caterpillar
Arumsticks for everyone

Q:What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A:A headbanger

Q:What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A:A pat on the head.

Q:Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A:Because the farmer had cold hands.

Q:What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle's back?
A:Weeeeeeeeee!!!!

Q:What is a slug?
A:A snail with a housing problem.
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  #4  
Old 18-12-2007, 11:11 PM
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.......and a couple more,

Q: What did the didgerido?
A: Answer the phone when the boomerang.

Q: Can a match box?
A: No, but a tin can.

Q: Why do petrol stations always lock their toilets?
A: They are afraid someone might clean them.
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  #5  
Old 18-12-2007, 11:15 PM
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or ....

Q - Why did the submarine blush?
A - Because it saw Queen Mary's bottom

Q - When is a door not a door?
A - When it's ajar

Q - What travels at 100mph along the lake bottom?
A - A Motor Pike (pike is a pommie fish for those that don't know !)

Q - What do you get if you cross a Regimental Mascot with a Pigeon?
A - A Military Coo !

.... they get worse Well Roger, provided you don't want more than 15 crackers (and who would ?!) that should sort you out

Cheers.,
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  #6  
Old 18-12-2007, 11:29 PM
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This is great!

I love'm .. but keep'm coming, I've got about 15 crackers with about 4 jokes in each to fill
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  #7  
Old 18-12-2007, 11:40 PM
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ballaratdragons (Ken)
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I've been sitting here trying to make up some Astronomy jokes for your Crackers (if they are for astro people).

How are these?

Q. How do you know when you have dust on your Optics?
A. When you start imaging Craters on the Sun

Q. Why isn't Solar Observing popular?
A. Coz the Sun is still up

Q. What do you get if you cross an Acrobat with an EQ mount?
A. A Meridian Flip

Ahhhh, I crack me up
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  #8  
Old 18-12-2007, 11:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ballaratdragons View Post
Q. What do you get if you cross an Acrobat with an EQ mount?
A. A Meridian Flip
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  #9  
Old 19-12-2007, 11:21 AM
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Q- How did the robber get inside the house?
A- He came intruder window.

Q- Why is an empty matchbox better than a full one?
A- Because it's matchless.
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  #10  
Old 19-12-2007, 11:53 AM
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Bugger....i only know bad jokes......
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  #11  
Old 19-12-2007, 12:38 PM
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re: perhaps even some astronomy ones???

Some astro-groaners:
http://www.orpington-astronomy.org.uk/kids5.html


SJS
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  #12  
Old 19-12-2007, 08:09 PM
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More one-liners

Q: When do you know it is time for the cows to go to sleep?
A: When it is pasture bedtime.
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  #13  
Old 19-12-2007, 08:19 PM
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Hear the Joke about butter
I better not tell you case you spead it around.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Why are pirates called pirates
They just ARRRRrrrrrr
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^
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  #14  
Old 19-12-2007, 10:36 PM
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And ...

Q - Where does the Policeman live ?
A - Letsbe Avenue !

Groan ...

Cheers again,
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  #15  
Old 19-12-2007, 11:03 PM
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Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.
Yes, sir. It is freshly ground.

What goes up never comes down?
Your age.
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  #16  
Old 20-12-2007, 07:31 AM
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Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?
He got stuck in Orbit!


Why was the thirsty alien hanging around the computer?
He was looking for the space bar!

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  #17  
Old 20-12-2007, 08:06 AM
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Q: What happened to the thief who stole the bathroom scales?
A: He got a weigh.
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  #18  
Old 20-12-2007, 10:08 AM
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Thanks to everyone who keeps contributing there's been some real crackers Rest assured I am using almost every one that has been posted, and any more will be used too
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