Funnies

[FlashDrive]

Come on...have a laugh ..!!:D

[Larryp]

Love them, Col!:thumbsup:

[Baddad]

:lol::lol:

Well Done Col. My favorites are the dogs. Especially "You are now one of us".
The image of the puppy; that kind of antics / expression seems to be common for Shepherds.

Great stuff:lol:
Cheers

[MattT]

Just showed my 12 year old twin girls. U R NOW 1 OF US a clear winner as was the chick in hand. I liked the airport sniffer pup.
Thanks Flash
Matt

[ourkind]

:lol: Airport dog too funny :rofl:

[ZeroID]

A few KIDS Funnies ..


7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children
Alittle girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.




AKindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'




ASunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'




One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'





The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'


Ateacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'



The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'

[FlashDrive]

Good one Zero ....some classics one's there ....:lol:

Flash ..!!

[barx1963]

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.
I had De Gaulle to post this here, because I figured I had nothing Toulouse .

Malcolm

[Cam]

HAHA Good play on words Malcolm

[Baddad]

Clever one Malcolm.

Some time ago a taxi driver and I were refueling. I decided to tell him a taxi joke.

A mother and son in a taxi, negotiating through Kings Cross. The son asked, "Mum, what are all those ladies doing standing around?"
Mum replied that those ladies are waiting for their husbands to finish work.
The taxi driver interrupted, "Tell him the truth lady. Tell him they are prostitutes."

To this the son asked, "Mum. Do prostitutes have babies too?"
Mum with a smirk, "Of-course they do little one, that's where taxi drivers come from."

At the service station the cabbie refused to speak with me any further. He was offended. Just walked away.

Cheers

[Barrykgerdes]

This is a bit iffy
In similar vein to Malcom

The English class was aske to write a sentence using the following wordsa depot, delight and defence.

Young Rastus mused for some time and after a while came up with this.

"Please Sir"."Delight was out, depot was full so I did it over defence"

Barry

PS I heard that one when I was going to school. A long time ago

[FlashDrive]

:lol: Good one Barry ..!! :rofl:

Flash ..!!

[Wavytone]

One of the resident sea-eagles at Stanwell Park decided to drag a pesky hang-glider back to the nest...

http://www.pbase.com/arev/hangglider_and_eagle

[FlashDrive]

Now that is a ' once in a life time shot ' :eyepop:

Flash ..!!